A Snake Without Fangs
by AwfulLawful
Summary: Aviva is helpless due to illness, Donita is on the rampage, and a lack of technical ability among the rest of the Kratts team leaves them unable to function. Their only choice is to hire a stand-in technician. Unfortunately their best option for success thinks of animals as less than wonders of nature.
1. A Substutute for Talent

A Snake Without Fangs

"You should know that above all I hate the caging of live things, and I will not keep even such creatures as these caged beyond great need. A snake without fangs may crawl where he will." ~Treebeard

* * *

><p>Chapter 1: A Substitute for Talent<p>

"An encouraged person will eventually get his drive from encouragement; he becomes more dependent. A person that never really receives encouragement learns to move out of spite; he becomes more independent." ~ Criss Jami

It had started with the Flu.

The Kratt brothers went home to see their family for the holidays and brought it back with them. Both brothers caught it and thought they were over it by the time they got back, but apparently they weren't completely past the infectious stage. Koki fell to it next, followed by Jimmy. Both recovered in a couple of weeks and carried on as usual. Muscle aches, sniffles and coughing persisted all around but for the most part everyone dealt with it just fine.

Then Aviva caught it.

She seemed to be getting better. A week of the usual flu symptoms began to subside to near-health. She had even pulled an all-nighter programming pre-emptive features for the Creature Power Suits once the chills had stopped. That was probably not the best idea as her fever came back full force by noon the next day either due to the strain or a latent infection that might have healed on its own if she had continued resting like a sensible person. Less than twenty four hours later she was in the hospital with full-on pneumonia.

The non-negotiable order of bed rest for three weeks crippled the team. Aviva was entirely unable to do her usual duties and as a result couldn't maintain the Tortuga, the Creature Power Suits, make Creature Power Discs, analyze animal powers, or do absolutely anything else that the Kratt team needed to perform their daily tasks. In fact she wasn't even allowed to leave the hospital since her condition had deteriorated so severely. At any time she might have to be on oxygen and was barely allowed to get out of bed. This left her friends as utterly helpless as she was; they had all realized entirely too late that she had become irreplaceable and no fail-safes were set up to compensate for her loss; even a short-term one.

The Tortuga, Kratts, and all missions were on hold until she was available again. They were essentially dead in the water.

Unfortunately Donita hadn't waited out of courtesy. Given that they weren't actively going after things and Donita usually found her newest target by following them to it nobody quite understood where she had gotten the idea. But the moment she did, no Peacock Mantis Shrimp was safe. The Kratts only found out about the problem when some of their local Wild Kratts Kids in Thailand reported the poaching.

Martin and Chris went ahead to try and stop her and get the creatures back, but due to a surprisingly thorough amount of research Donita had an aquarium made to keep the glass-shattering mantis shrimp in that just wouldn't break. As usual the only way the Kratts would be able to save the creatures was to have Mantis Shrimp Power - specifically the smashing appendages that, on a human scale, would allow them to break open the aquarium.

Martin paced in the background while the others had Aviva on video conference. There was less than four hours until Donita's announced event date where her (admittedly gorgeous) Peacock Mantis Shrimp inspired clothing line would debut. Unfortunately she had not yet been able to figure out how to make the colorful little things an actual part of the ensemble without taking them out of the water.

Whether she would particularly mind them expiring just after the show wasn't clear, but they would definitely be living when they were frozen and mounted on the models before the catwalk run. 'Beauty is fleeting' after all.

Aviva couldn't speak without coughing so she had a messaging window open instead. At the speed she typed it didn't make much difference except that she now had to pause and wait for everyone to finish reading.

"Can't you do the programming from there?" Chris asked plaintively. "You're allowed to have your computer in the hospital."

**[There is a HUGE difference between my laptop and my Station in the Tortuga. I can't make Discs from here and my mobile system is out of commission because I had to harvest it for parts to fix my station after the last power failure caused a surge.]**

"What do we _do_?" Martin demanded in a mild panic. They had already been to see what they could do and been forced to go back, and thus Martin had named a little friend. Once he named them you just KNEW there was no way he was leaving them. "Donita's going to suffocate them! They can't breathe outside the water!"

"From a practicality standpoint I don't know why she would bother with Mantis Shrimp. She's famous for her living fashions and they're obviously not going to be living long after being sold," Koki said sadly. "I know they're not endangered, but it still sort of sucks."

Aviva looked like she was either about to cough up another storm or vomit. She swallowed instead and a definite look of helpless defeat bled across her face.

**[Call Zach.]**

The reaction was instantaneous and unanimous. "ZACH?!"

"What could _Varmitech_ possibly do to help us? He can't even build Zachbots that recognize the difference between a verbal command, a figure of speech, and _sarcasm_," Koki complained.

Aviva nodded sympathetically and began to type again.

**[Yes, but those are ****_his_**** designs. There's a difference between designing something yourself and following someone else's instructions. Zach may not be the best inventor, but he IS one of the best mechanical technicians I know. If there's a plan in front of him he can build it, fix it, and probably improve it; no doubt in my mind. That's ALL you need him for until I'm able to come back guys. No new stuff, just repairs and maintenance.]**

Jimmy balked. "But won't he just steal all your inventions while he's here?"

**[I'll just have to trust you guys to keep him under control. We're pretty familiar with the way he operates by now.]**

Chris ran a hand through his hair nervously. "What about the Creature Power Discs? You always say how complicated those are. Can he do it fast enough?"

**[For the Discs there's a basic programming already installed. I used to create each one from scratch but it took a dangerously long time, and with more than two Creature Power suits I had to expedite the creation process. It's still really too complicated for you guys, no offense. Koki might be able to learn the system I've got set up but it will take a few weeks or maybe even months. **

**Zach should already be familiar with similar systems so it won't take him long at all to pick it up. Even the DNA sequencing for Metamorphosis and Amphibian Life Cycles are already available in a simplified template. Essentially, from a programming standpoint, all it needs is someone to fill in the blanks and push 'CREATE'; but you have to know the programming to begin with. It may not be the best reason in the world but he's hacked us before, remember? That means he already has experience with our systems and how they work. If anyone can help you guys in time to save those creatures its Zach. I'll be remotely available from here if he needs any further instruction or advice.]**

There was a pause while they read through that. Martin winced. "But then he'll have all of your inventions and designs, if only because he worked on them. He won't even need to steal the plans. I don't like it."

Aviva took a slow breath and failed to do it delicately enough to avoid coughing completely. When her dangerously pale face came back up off the pillow she typed again.

**[If we have to bring in help it should be someone I'm positive can do the job even if we don't get along personally. It's already my fault we're in this mess for not having a backup plan. My inventions are patented and Zach is honestly not very good without a plan, so as long as you guys don't let him take any with him when he leaves anything he attempts to build modeled after my things will be, at best, inspired. Sorry, guys. There's isn't any choice. Trust me on this one. It's the only way I can think to save those Mantis Shrimp.] **

**[I want you to call Zach.]**

Martin grumbled. "I still don't like it."

"Neither do I, but what other options do we have?" Koki sighed. "Donita won't just give the Mantis Shrimp back to us if we ask _really nicely_. As much as I want to say this is just a delusional effect of her fever, I've got to agree with Aviva on this one. We need major tech support and **now**. I'm not sure if Zach is the best choice, but he's the one our inventor is recommending. I say we take her word for it."

Chris sighed. "_Fine_; we'll call Zach. He won't agree, though. There is no way he'll help us. Especially not for three weeks."

**[Let me handle that.] **

Aviva typed hard enough to make her screen shake.

**[Conference Call.]**

Aviva started the connection and, while it rang, a picture of Zach graced the window his video would display on once he picked up his end of the line.

Chris blinked. "Uh... where did we get that picture?"

* * *

><p>"Why do I even have that picture?" Zach wondered aloud while he sipped his coffee. The last time he had gotten a call from the Kratts Team it hadn't occurred to him to wonder about the image since the call itself had surprised him so much. Now it just made him raise a brow. The phone rang several more times and he smiled to himself as he turned the newspaper over to read the other side of the page. "Can't hear you. La-la-la."<p>

While he continued his breakfast a Zachbot went by and dusted the table. The phone stopped for a minute and it began to ring again.

"I am _so_ not getting that," he mused aloud.

The Zachbot answered it.

"HEY! I didn't mean for YOU to get it either!" He put his coffee down and stomped over to the screen where five people were waiting impatiently for him.

"Oh. It's actually you this time."

"Yeah, and-" Chris started hurriedly.

Zach hung up. "And now it's not," he said pleasantly and went back to his waffles.

* * *

><p>"THAT LITTLE ~GNNGHCTCSH~!" Koki bit out, just missing a PG-13 rating thanks to Jimmy shoving his newly opened ice cream sandwich into her mouth before she could finish. He smiled apologetically and raised his hands in surrender when she glared at him.<p>

Aviva rolled her eyes and typed out a few things they couldn't see, then went back to the messaging window.

**[Stand by.]**

* * *

><p>Zach glanced over to his phone with a bored expression when a text message came through from Aviva.<p>

**[Pick up, Zach.]**

He rolled his eyes and typed out, **[Why should I and why aren't you calling?]**

** [First because you wouldn't pick up if I just called again with no explanation. Second; I lost my voice. Pneumonia.]**

**[It probably says something about you that it took an army of billions to finally shut you up, microbes or not,] **he plucked out while snickering quietly to himself.

**[Creep. Pick up when the team calls you back.]**

**[I'm going to block all of you.]**

**[You'd miss me. Friendship can fade but rivals are forever.]**

Zach took a moment trying to think of a rebuttal for that, but shrugged and conceded. **[True, but you still haven't given me good reason to.]**

**[Martin is on the verge of a panic attack and Chris looks like he's about to explode. You can take screencaps.]**

**[Ha! Deal.]**

* * *

><p>Zach was recording his video feed before he even picked up.<p>

Martin, determined to get in the full explanation before Zach hung up again, immediately put his hands on both sides of the screen and spoke so quickly that it all nearly came out as one huge word. "Donita and Dabio captured a lot of peacock mantis shrimp for their new fashion line and Aviva's too sick to come back here and make the Creature Power Discs and we need to save them because the aquariums they're in are too hard to break without the Claw Strike power and we _have to save them or they'll suffocate when the show starts because they won't be in the water anymore so __**you've got to make the Creature Power Discs for us before it's too late and Flash-Smash is gone forever!**_" he pleaded, taking a huge gasping breath after that rant while everyone stared in wide-eyed shock behind him. "You've got to help us! We need a stand-in technician! _Fast!_ Donita's show is in five hours!"

Zach stared blankly for a moment, dumbstruck. Then he arched a brow and utterly failed to speak fast enough to keep up with his suddenly frantic thoughts, which had all panicked in his head and started scattering like angry bees. "Wait. That's not… You can't… Why would… *beat * _What!?_" Zach growled in frustration and palmed his face in an effort to calm down. He took three deep breaths. At that point Logic and Sense gathered Greed, Vindication, Pride, and Curiosity and they caught up with Suspicion and Panic and made them sit down for a minute so they could all collaborate properly. He blinked a few times when his brain felt more organized and pointed at them accusingly. "Are you trying to _hire me_?" he asked shrilly.

"YES," the four vocal Kratt members said at once according to their various stages of emotion (i.e. Koki annoyed, Jimmy worried, Chris angry, and Martin frantic).

"NO!" Zach said on reflex, then put up a hand once he got over the initial shock. "Wait… let me think about it."

**[We don't have time for that.]** Aviva's window read.

"I don't even know what sort of contract would cover-" Zach seemed to consider this a moment. "Varmitech Industries isn't cheap, you know," he stated warily. "Especially if you need support that doesn't allow animals, and you're requesting Varmitech himself."

"You know I would never make a request like this if it wasn't important!" Aviva took a break to cough violently. Koki winced in her section of the screen out of sympathy, while Zach winced because it disgusted him. "I can give you all the instructions you'll need. Just help them, _please._"

"Yeah, do us all a favor and don't talk again." Zach thought a moment, running his fingers over his goetee. "You realize you'll have to let me into your systems, see your data, tell me how to work the Suits and make new Creature Power Discs?" he ventured.

"We have a contract written up already," Koki said proudly, and Zach's fax machine (in a Zachbot, of course) buzzed to life as it began to print it out. "It's the same one Aviva signed, with a few changes to add her as the owner of anything she's invented for us."

"Of course you do..." he drawled in mild disappointment.

He started to flip for it and scan for key phrases while they kept begging him, which was an entirely nice experience all around since his blatant disregard for their urgency only seemed to make it worse.

"So basically," Zach huffed while looking over the frustratingly well-written contract, "there's nothing in it for me besides a normal job? I take over Aviva's role on the Kratts team while she's in quarantine and generally trying not to die-"

"Aviva is NOT going to die!" Jimmy shouted fiercely.

"- and actively work against my evil compatriots in the process; which will cause me a lot of trouble in the long run and isn't even worth the commission fee." He crossed his arms and glared at them all. "Why did you bother calling me again?"

Aviva nearly pouted, but hid it remarkably well as a pained groan. **[Because you get to rub it in my face later that I didn't plan for this sort of thing, like ****_you always do_****?]**

Zach snickered and bit his lip. "Seriously, what kind of stooge doesn't plan for a periodic absence? Don't you psychos ever go on vacation?'

"No," all Kratts members snapped simultaneously.

Zach sighed as if it physically hurt him to consider this. "Give me a few hours to review the contract-"

"We don't have time for that!" Martin ventured in a panic. "Flash-Smash won't last long outside the water!"

Zach gave the blonde a look that clearly illustrated he didn't care. "Flash-Smash?"

"Peacock Mantis Shrimp," Koki said quickly, displaying a picture of one on her section of the screen. "We've only said it about a dozen times! They're native to the Indo-Pacific along the coasts between Guam and East Africa. Donita took-"

Zach raised a brow. "I'm not surprised. It **is** kind of pretty-"

"ZACH!" four voices chorused at him urgently.

He shrieked, startled, and dropped the contract which spread out all over the floor. "Okay, okay!" he conceded. "I'll make the stupid discs for the rainbow bug-thingie! But if there's a loophole in the contract _anywhere_ I'm taking whatever I can! You guys have to sign a waiver saying I offered a proper review and you refused it, too." he warned. "It's the principle of the thing," he said benignly, as if to convey he meant no personal offense and even examining his nails for show. "You understand."

"Unfortunately; yes. We do," Chris said flatly.

Zach clapped his hands together in triumph and grinned. "Alright, go back to bed Aviva; I'll rescue your Wild Rats and keep them in tech until you're all better. Now, since we are on a time crunch... where are you?"

"Thailand. Sending coordinates now," Koki said.

Zach raised a brow. "My jet's top speed is Mach 2. It'll take me at least three hours to get there. You'd better have absolutely everything ready for me to start working the instant I arrive if you want to make Donita's show."

"Done," Koki said and got up to start gathering things.

Martin sighed in mild relief. "Thanks, Zach."

"And HURRY," Chris added.

* * *

><p>One thing that could be said about Zach, he had reflexes the likes of which nobody had seen outside Aviva at her most determined. He was typing at a speed that made the Tortuga echo as if it had several woodpeckers attacking the walls. Another thing that could be said was that he never missed an opportunity to complain.<p>

"You realize that this is the programming equivalent of weaving a room-sized tapestry out of a single long thread? Everything loops back into everything else! I mean, coding the eyes _alone_-"

"Can you do it, though?" Martin asked urgently.

Zach snorted. "I'm doing it _now_, calm down. If Aviva hadn't put up all these guides and things in it would have taken me days to work it out. At least she has that amount of foresight in her favor." As he continued to type his phone rang and he reached up casually to put it on speaker. "Varmitech Industries; Turning varmints into robotic solutions. Varmitech speaking," he recited in a practiced and pleasant tone.

_"Zach, __**Darling**__, I'm hosting a fashion show tonight in Thailand featuring a beautiful new line! Would you be a Dear and help me a while?"_

Everyone froze behind Zach and kept quiet, wondering what he would do.

"Sorry, Donita. I'm already under contract for the time being. I'll have to send someone else to help you," he said casually, never pausing in his work.

_"Why aren't you on screen?"_ she asked. _"I like to see who I'm talking to."_

Zach rolled his eyes. "So do I, but I'm in a secure area and video is prohibited," he said smoothly. After seeing the surprised looks he was getting he looked back at them and whispered, "Didn't think I could memorize the contract that fast, did you?"

_"Fine," _she said tersely. "_You know I can pay up, Zach. I'll double whatever your current clients are offering. Dabio is good for the heavy lifting, but you know he's helpless when it comes to electronics. I've already watched him try and fail once and I won't do it again. He simply can't wire the lights and sound system without your guidance. I only need you for the evening. And maybe we could have some coffee after if you'd like to stay a while,"_ she added with a more alluring tone at the end.

Zach frowned and his typing slowed. "Sadly that isn't an option. I can send another technician to fill in for me, but I'm not personally available at the moment. Maybe next time."

There was a frustrated scoff. _"Oh, alright. I suppose it is a bit short notice. I can't exactly control when inspiration strikes me, though, you know that."_

"None of us can," Zach said cordially, but there was flatness to his tone. "I'm working right now but call me in a few days if you want to reschedule that coffee."

Even through the phone they could hear Donita's boredom. _"It's just not the same if we haven't spent the whole evening together. But I'll call you if I need help with another show. Ciao!"_

Zach's typing picked up again after the line went dead. He sent a verbal message to his secretary letting her know to send Donita a technician and went right back to making the Disc programming.

"You're actually sending someone to set up her show!?" Chris demanded.

"Why not?" Zach asked.

"Because you're helping **us** right now, remember?" Jimmy said.

"Yes, I am. I, Zach Varmitech, am under contract with you at the moment. That doesn't mean I'm not allowed to run the rest of my company in the meantime," he said flatly. "The fact that two of my current clients are feuding isn't really my concern. Two different technicians were hired to do two different jobs and both contracts will be fulfilled. What do the lights and stage have to do with your critters anyway? If you were paying attention you'd have noticed I'm not running Security this time, so your planned break-in won't interfere with either job. Even if there's no show the setup will still work. Besides, wouldn't it look suspicious if I refused work from Donita? She doesn't know I'm helping you."

Koki grumbled. "You just want to get paid by both sides of this fight, don't you?"

"That's _business_, Wild Ratts. I can't be stingy about employment opportunities. You don't like it; make your own Creature Power Discs."

The collective glares did nothing to dissuade him and he simply continued working.

Koki crossed her arms in fury but decided to change the subject. "What was that coffee thing about? Are you two…?"

"No; she was just doing that to get her way," he said blankly. "She doesn't actually mean it." The only sign of his upset was an increase in pressure on the keys and slight posture change but it was still clearly there.

Martin seemed to be the only one who had an iota of sympathy. "Sorry."

"Whatever. Here." He took the Discs out of the casing and handed them to Martin and Chris.

"Less than an hour and a half," Jimmy said in slight awe.

"Don't you want to check your work?" Chris asked suspiciously.

"Don't you want to get there before the show?" Zach countered in the same tone. "It won't take my technician long to set up, believe me, and you've got a ways to go. If there's a big enough crowd Donita might even start start early."

"How do we know you didn't make a mistake on purpose?" Chris accused.

Zach shrugged. "I'm going to be here for the next three weeks; why would I want to give you more reason than usual to make me miserable?"

Martin put his disc in his suit and grabbed Chris's arm. "Come on! We have to save Flash-Smash!"

Chris sighed. "Alright, Bro. Let's go."

Zach sat back in the chair and examined his nails. "I gotta warn you; those rainbow bug thingies are _mean_. You might get a little crazy if you aren't careful."

"Aviva always manages to compensate for things like that," Martin said.

Zach shook his head. "No she doesn't. A surprising amount of the instinct control is left up to you two. Deactivate if you start getting the urge to do anything the Incredible Hulk would. And that Claw Smash feature? Don't aim it at anything you want intact. I mean **anything**."

Martin and Chris shared a worried look and gave Zach a nod as they headed out.

The awkward silence when the new, and unusual, HQ team was left alone was positively stifling.

"Uh... what now?" Jimmy asked.

"Have you broken anything since I got here?" Zach asked.

"No," Koki snapped.

"Then I suppose I'm free to work on my own things until I'm needed," he shrugged, and pulled out his laptop from the briefcase he'd come in with.

Koki bristled. "Hang on-"

"I have my own secure network, so I won't be using yours. All I need is a free outlet to charge it," he said sourly. "Unless you'd prefer I go work in my jet? Alone, where you can't keep an eye on me..."

Koki pointed to a free outlet and leaned in so close that Zach shrank back in his chair. "You behave."

"Or?" Zach prompted.

"There are some very interesting 'varmints' native to this area of the world. Do you want to know what a _Megabat _is?" Koki asked sweetly, then smiled when green eyes widened nervously. "Then behave yourself."

Thankfully, he did. For a while. They settled into a semi-comfortable arrangement by not talking and doing their own things while Zach stayed well within sight of at least one team member at all times.

Koki tiredly kept flipping through the images of animals in the area doing general research. Beside her Zach was fiddling with his laptop, which was on an empty area of Koki's station, while he worked on something for another client. Behind them Jimmy was alternately sweeping the floor and taking bites out of pizza that was sitting nearby. It was the peaceful, bored atmosphere that usually pervaded the Tortuga when waiting for something interesting to happen and Zach's presence didn't seem to be disrupting it since he was doing his work quietly.

Suddenly something bulbous, tentacled and generally disturbing appeared on Kiki's screen as she flipped through the images. All at once Koki recoiled away from the screen with a startled cry, Jimmy's full mouth betrayed him and he ran to the bathroom to empty his stomach of pizza, and Zach screamed and leapt behind his chair. The scrawl underneath the image said _"Scotoplanes",_ and the picture might have been less horrifying if it was actually underwater and not on a cutting board, or even if it took up less of the screen.

"What is THAT thing!?" Zach demanded. "Eew! I can't even look at it!" He grabbed the back of her chair and shook it urgently. "Change it! Change it!"

"Okay! Okay!" Koki mashed buttons until the picture was replaced with something a lot more fuzzy and much less creepy. She and Zach shared an unnerved look. "I think it was a type of Sea Cucumber," she said quietly.

"That even _sounds gross_!" Zach complained. "I may never eat _real_ cucumbers again."

Jimmy came back and leaned wearily on Koki's chair. "Hate to say it but I'm with Zach."

"I think they actually do eat Sea Cucumbers in Japan," Koki began thoughtfully, which prompted Jimmy to run off again and retch in the background. "Ooh… Sorry, Jimmy!" she called after him.

Zach leaned his forehead on the back of his chair and groaned. "So much for Sushi, too…"

Koki shook her head and kept searching. "Don't be like that, Zach. The sea is full of great creatures with amazing abilities. Not all of them look weird-"

As if on cue, a '_Panopea generosa'_ appeared on the screen.

Zach gave her a suspicious look. "You _have to_ be doing this on purpose."

"Do not blame me for the anatomy of Mollusks," Koki put her face in her palms and sighed loudly.

"So, those rainbow bug thingies-"

"Peacock mantis shrimp," she corrected tightly.

"Are they, like, tiny lobsters?"

"Oh, come _on_! You keep calling mantis shrimp 'bug-thingies' but 'lobster' rolls right off your tongue?"

"I know what lobsters are!" Zach said defensively.

Koki crossed her arms. "And what are they?"

"They're _delicious_," he teased.

"Oh, you-!" she snarled and leapt at him. Zach's screech only encouraged her.

Jimmy grabbed her arms and pulled backward, toothbrush sticking out of his mouth as he had rushed over the instant he heard the noise. "Don't hurt him! We still need him to fix stuff!"

* * *

><p>Zach was just subjected to seeing a baby Cthulhu and a hilariously suggestive clam for those who were too lazy to image search.<p> 


	2. Caught in the Web of Duty

Note: I did not expect this chapter to be so long. I wrote each day individually and stuck them together later, which added up very quickly. I may post the following weeks in halves instead of all in one go. Also, as my husband said after proofreading, "Man, these people talk a lot." Sorry about that too.

* * *

><p>"'Truth' is a privative in the same way that 'sober' is – until you invent lies, you don't know what the truth is. Nature appears to, otherwise animals would not have invested so much effort on very effective camouflage." ~Terry Pratchett; The Science of Discworld<p>

**Day 1**

"Welcome back, guys," Koki said fondly as Martin and Chris walked in.

"Mission successful!" Chris said triumphantly. "And the Peacock Mantis Shrimp Discs worked just fine, surprisingly."

"What do you mean 'surprisingly'!?" Zach demanded. "When I _hack_ those things they work better than they do normally!"

Martin deactivated his and let out a tired but happy sigh as he fell into a chair. "Don't ruin the moment, Zach. Flash-Smash is living free and in the wild!" Martin raised his arms as he recited the last six words, and Chris chorused along with him. "Safe and sound, back in the ocean where he belongs-"

"-where he will mercilessly bludgeon his food into tiny bits, like all those rainbow bug thingies are specifically designed by nature to do!" Zach finished.

"That's nature," Chris said placidly. "Sometimes it's sad, but it's all in balance."

Zach crossed his arms and tapped a boot impatiently on the floor. "Do you need anything else or can I go now?"

"Go where?" Jimmy asked.

"Sorry, Zach, but the Kratts Team stays together at all times. We don't have set hours and we all live in the Tortuga," Chris said smugly. "So long as you're working for us, you stay here."

"You're right," Zach said with enough sarcasm to get through even Dabio's typical level of obliviousness. "My jet is a whole _fifty feet away_. The commute will be _awful _in the morning." He dropped the melodramatic tone and became belligerent instead. "I refuse to stay here another minute until my Zachbots have sanitized everything since _all of you_ had the flu recently."

"Hmmm… point," Koki admitted. "But you know, Zach, we do clean-"

Zach rolled his eyes. "Sure you do. That's why you all got sick at the same time."

"Do we really want him sleeping in here anyway, near all our equipment?" Jimmy asked.

"And leaving him unsupervised in the jet with all _his_ equipment is any better?" Chris asked wryly.

Martin shrugged. "Why don't we let Zach stay in his jet, but take turns watching him there?"

"What?" Zach said worriedly.

Koki snorted. "Aren't we a little old for sleepovers?"

"I don't exactly have spare bedrooms," Zach complained. "I don't care if you sleep in the jet, but you're on your own for hospitality, Wild Rats."

"Then our experienced campers can take watch," Koki concluded.

Chris sighed. "I guess."

"I've seen you guys sleep in _trees_. On the actual branches. You can handle a jet," Koki said.

Martin stood up and stretched. "There's a difference between sleeping in nature and a cold metal floor, but I guess we could use the hammocks. There's got to be a place to hang them somewhere."

"Yeah," Zach snapped. "The utility closet. Hurry up, then – I'm tired and you two need showers before I let you in my jet. You smell like sweat, salt, and fish."

"Hey-" Martin began, walking by Zach to put his Creature Power Suit in the appropriate storage area. "Creature Venturing is kind of an active job, you know!"

"And Donita's perfume too," he added with clear distaste. "How did that happen?"

Chris rolled his eyes. "The bottle shattered from the shockwave when we used the Claw Smash power to break the aquarium glass. Along with all the windows, mirrors, and my eardrums."

Zach shrugged. "I warned you."

Martin smiled. "Yeah, that's why Chris chased Donita and Dabio out of the room before I did it. I would have felt terrible if we'd accidentally hurt them. Thanks for the heads-up." He held his hand out for Zach to high-five, but Zach cringed away and waved his hand in front of his nose.

"Shower now, thanks later," he snapped. "I'm going on ahead."

"Why?" Koki asked suspiciously.

Zach gathered his laptop and handed it to a Zachbot that had been hovering near him since he'd arrived. It sprayed the surface with something that smelled like rubbing alcohol and dried quickly. "Because after spending the day in here I need to sanitize _myself_ now," he snapped. "I feel _contaminated_. If I end up sick too you're on your own." He turned to the Zachbot carrying his laptop and took it back. "Give me that. Sanitize all the Workstations, Kitchen, and the Bathroom – as well as all controls on every vehicle and every doorknob, light switch and anything else icky Kratt hands touch frequently. So…everything." The bot went to do so while everyone watched it cautiously to make sure it wasn't pushing buttons or connecting to anything, but all it did was spray and wipe things down.

"Hey, you can't just-" Martin began, but Zach crossed his arms.

"No. I'm not touching anything my Zachbots haven't cleaned first. You're lucky I touched Aviva's station at all."

"You ran off and washed your hands like a surgeon immediately after," Jimmy pointed out.

"And she is currently in the hospital with something highly contagious and potentially fatal. Common sense and pretty much all of medical science says _you're careless_," Zach snapped petulantly before he stormed out of the Tortuga.

Koki sighed and turned to the already exhausted Bros. "You guys better hurry. We'll keep an eye on Mr. Clean."

Chris smirked. "I am pushing him in a mud wallow the first chance I get. It'll be good for him!"

"Agreed," Martin said in kind.

The Kratt brothers put up their hands and one quick game of Rock-Paper-Scissors got Chris in the shower first. Martin got their gear together while he waited his turn.

* * *

><p>"Wow," Martin said once they arrived. As usual Zach's jet was pretty big on the inside, cold, mechanical, and <em>grey<em>. "I've been in here a few times, but never for long. I gotta say; unless there are animals or projects actively messing things up, Zach's spaces are like…"

"Eerily pristine," Chris offered. "If Zach isn't physically present it doesn't feel like anyone actually lives in them. Even the cell he put me in when he abducted all those Rhinos was spotless. Aside from the permanent smell of metal and motor oil…"

"Are you done?" Zach asked from the doorway. He was standing there in his black robe, black night clothes, and black house shoes holding a mug of tea. Despite that he had obviously just been in the shower his hair was already solidly in its usual place as if it had never been disturbed.

"Yeah, I guess. Where should we set up camp?" Chris asked.

"Ugh. I don't care. Just be quiet. I'm going to bed." Zach snapped and turned to the back area briskly.

Martin and Chris shared a surprised look.

"You actually have a bedroom in here? I thought you were kidding," They poked their heads into the doorway to see an actual chamber for a full bedroom in the back that looked like it came right out of a high rise apartment in the city. The bed was at least a full, though there was clearly a space for it to fold up into the wall. There were no windows, obviously, but closed curtains hung on the walls created the illusion of them regardless. Behind each one there seemed to be a monitor or television. To the right was an actual full sized bathroom with steam still falling out of the door like mist that smelled of strongly scented soap.

"Creature comforts indeed," Martin mumbled.

"You guys don't have bedrooms in that giant turtle?" Zach asked. "I thought there'd be at least two levels and lots of room in the base of it."

Chris shrugged. "Most of that space is storage for our vehicles, utility stuff, special features for the Creature Power Suits, the medical room, supply storage, and Aviva's second lab. We don't have bedrooms per se, more like… roomettes. Like train compartments. All we ever use them for is storing and changing our clothes and actual sleeping, so there's not much reason for big bedrooms."

"Yeah," Martin continued. "They're pretty much closets with fold-up bed platforms in one side."

"Now I'm definitely not sleeping there," Zach winced. "That sounds like _prison_. No wonder you all caught the same thing smashed together like canned fish."

"It just makes sleeping outside all the more attractive," Chris said with a smile.

"Then go do that and leave me alone," Zach said.

Martin 'humph'ed. "Sorry, Zach. You're trouble with a capital 'T' and we're not leaving you unsupervised."

"Then shut up and go to sleep," he stated flatly, getting into bed and pushing a button on a remote on the nightstand that made the lights go out.

Chris glared in Zach's general direction. "Don't turn off the lights yet, we haven't set up!"

"I fail to see how _you_ being slow is _my_ problem, Wild Rats."

Martin lit the lantern he had brought with them, not from planning to but because it was already in the camping stuff he'd packed, and set up his sleeping bag. Zach didn't notice because he had put on a night mask. "Just ignore him, Bro. It's only for three weeks."

Chris winced and repeated 'three weeks' quietly as if he were being forced to shovel continuous snowfall with his hands for precisely that long.

Thankfully it was a quiet night.

**Day 2**

The next morning Martin and Chris paused in the Tortuga's doorway, eyes panning around the room in mild shock.

Koki and Jimmy were already standing by a far window doing the same thing, still in their pajamas and robes. They were drinking coffee, but aside from that nothing else had been disturbed since the Zachbot came back to the jet early that morning.

"What happened?" Chris asked.

"I gotta admit those Zachbots know how to keep house," Jimmy shrugged. "Now I know what a brand new spaceship must look like."

Koki blew into her cup to cool the top layer of her drink and took a slow sip. "I felt guilty using the coffee pot, even. I mean… it's never been really messy in here unless we were cleaning up after animals. I never thought for a second that someone was shirking their chores. Well, except maybe Martin…"

"Hey!"

Jimmy touched the windowsill behind him and examined his finger for dust. He found none. "It's like the fridge looked after we just took the bubble-wrap off, but on the _whole Tortuga_."

Zach walked right between the Kratt brothers and toward Aviva's station. A Zachbot paused behind him and a panel opened in it's chest, from which Zach pulled out his own coffee. He leaned back and smirked at them. "Do I get to say 'I told you so' now? Because I told you it was icky in here."

Chris rolled his eyes at him and got a bottle of water out of the fridge (which now looked like it had been packed by a neurotic tetris champion). He tossed one to Martin too. "You realize there's a difference between 'neat' and 'sand-blasted'?"

"No," Zach replied tartly, and turned to begin working.

"What are you doing?" Martin asked, going to look over Zach's shoulder.

Zach turned around at batted his hands at him until he backed off. "Checking Aviva's messages. She left me a list of things to do while she's gone."

Chris tapped Zach on the shoulder. "There's a box on top of the fridge. Where did your Zachbot put the dishes?"

"In the _box_," Zach drawled. "They get covered with dust if you leave them sitting out like that."

"_What_ dust!?" Koki demanded, gesturing around her.

"Exactly." Zach concluded. "Now shoo so I can do system maintenance."

The Kratts team grudgingly backed off and warily watched him from a distance.

"Uh… got any missions planned just yet?" Jimmy whispered.

Chris shook his head. "Maybe we should stay put for a few days and see how this works out."

"That might be a bad idea," Martin said quietly. "I know he'll likely turn on us the second we're in trouble or he discovers another creature he wants to roboticise, but at least we're familiar with _that_ Zach. Do we want to know what he's like when he's _bored_?"

Chris's eye twitched. "Okay, one day. We'll do something tomorrow. Hopefully Aviva's To-Do List can keep him busy until then."

**Day 3**

Jimmy kept the Tortuga as steady as he could while they flew through a rather nasty thunderstorm on their way to the mission the Kratt Brothers had decided on for their trial run with Varmitech on their HQ team. It was going really well thus far; Zach was going through the list that Aviva had given him and, despite his frequent and frustratingly long 'breaks' in which the Zachbots pampered him like a prince, he was behaving admirably. Koki was in her cot sleeping through the storm since she would be taking the shift watching Zach that night while Martin and Chris were cleaning their Creature Power Suits and doing the simple checks on their systems that Aviva had showed them how to do.

A panicked screech reverberated through the corridor leading to the lower level.

Chris looked up with a sigh. "…that was Zach, wasn't it?"

"Yup," Martin affirmed blankly.

"And Koki has her earplugs in," Chris said mildly. "Meaning she won't be going to see what's going on."

"Shall we investigate?" Martin asked.

Chris shrugged. "Something tells me this is either going to be depressing or hilarious."

It was a little of both.

"Do you have to keep all these animals in here!?" Zach demanded. He was standing with his back against a wall and behind a Zachbot, as far away from the glass enclosure along the other side as he could get without the ability to pass through solid objects.

"Yes," the brothers answered with identical smug grins.

"What is that thing!?" he demanded, pointing to the glass enclosure.

Chris walked over and motioned Zack to come closer to the glass to see, but Zach stayed put. "It's a _Poecilotheria metallica_: a metallic tarantula. They're critically endangered and this one is a female we've been given by a collector. If you look closer there's an egg sac that she's guarding. We plan to release the spiderlings into the wild. There's about 700 eggs in there and she'll guard them for about two months."

Zach shuddered. "Gross. You know, the fact that it's blue and shiny doesn't make it less of a _huge creepy spider_!"

Martin shrugged. "Spider or not she's a good mom. Look how she's turning the eggs so they stay the right shape-"

"You should have warned me there were creepy-crawly things before I had to come down here," he complained.

"What _are_ you doing down here?" Chris asked.

Zach tapped the tablet he was holding and turned it around to display the screen to the bros. "List Item 58. 'Check fuel levels and batteries in all vehicles before anyone gets stuck in a desert again.' Who did that?"

"Koki and Jimmy," Chris answered.

Zach crossed his arms. "Uh-huh. Anyone else?"

"No," both Kratts said a little too quickly.

Zach raised a brow and smirked before looking around him warily. "Are there any more creepy things on the way to the vehicles?"

Chris and Martin shared an amused and indulgent smile.

"Maybe we should just take you there ourselves," Martin said pleasantly.

Chris took Zach's shoulders and pushed him forward. "Before you find the snakes and the Gila Monster."

Zach groaned, but allowed them to lead him. "Will you at least tell me where we're going?"

"Africa," Martin answered.

"To drop off the spiders?" Zach asked.

"No," Chris said. "The _Poecilotheria metallica _is from India. We're not going to drop off the spiderlings until after they hatch in six weeks or so. We're heading to Africa to visit the Wildlife Reserve in the Congo."

"Why?"

Martin said, "You'll see when we get there."

**Day 4**

Zach yawned and walked out onto the bridge. "You might want to change course to Zaire"

"Why?" Jimmy asked.

"Because Gourmand just invited me to dinner," Zach said blandly. "I said I was too busy, but to let me know next time he caught something interesting. Thought you'd like to know," he finished with another yawn and waved off Jimmy's panic in favor of getting coffee.

Jimmy's eye twitched and he pushed the button for base-wide intercom. "Emergency course change to Zaire! Gourmand is about to cook up-" he paused and called back toward the workstations. "Zach, what did he say he was making?"

"Something called _Oh-kah-pee_?" Zach answered blearily.

"Okapi!" Jimmy finished. He deactivated the intercom and started looking up directions.

"Those are Endangered!" Chris blurted anxiously, dropping his juice.

"I figured," Zach drawled and took a small sip before adding more cream. "Clean that up."

"What time did he say the dinner was?" Chris demanded, ignoring the spreading orange on the floor.

"Six, but I'm not sure what time zone he meant. Gourmand's not very good at consistency. If he invites me to breakfast in Australia it generally means I'll be eating a late dinner by their time zone, but still breakfast by my usual schedule. Occasionally he'll refer to the time zone he is currently in without letting me know what the time will be where I'm supposed to go; it's all pretty confusing without a confirmation call." Zach said, backing away from the juice as it started spreading toward him due to the floor level shifting when Jimmy changed direction. "Are you going to get that?"

"So there's no telling when he's going to start preparing?" Chris continued doggedly. "Wait, you said no… Will he still cook the Okapi if he doesn't have any customers?"

"Usually, yes. He still has to feed himself, doesn't he? Besides, Donita accepted on the conference call because he promised her the skin when he was done with the rest of it. It must be something neat looking."

Chris shuddered in disgust and ran off to get Martin, who was still below.

"Hey!" Zach shouted after him, then sighed and motioned for a Zachbot to clean the floor. Koki walked over and punched Zach's arm. "Ow! What was that for!?" he demanded.

"That last bit of explanation was _not needed_," she snapped. "Now get on making those discs already."

Zach rubbed his arm and glared. "You have to look it up for me first. I don't even know what it is."

She went to her station and did so, moving aside so that Zach could see the display better from where he was.

"Are these things zebras or donkeys?" Zach asked, then looked back to Jimmy, who had set the course and autopilot and came out to take part in the planning process. "The stripy little horse thingies are 'Zebras', right?" Jimmy nodded patiently.

"Neither," Koki said as she scanned through the text accompanying the picture. "The okapis' closest genetic relative is the giraffe."

Zach paused and looked to the picture again. "What? This doesn't look anything like a…" he paused while he got the right word round in his head. "Giraffe! It looks like someone went all Frankenstein in a Zoo and put bits of different things together – _none of which was a giraffe_!"

"Still a giraffe," Koki said firmly. Behind her, Martin and Chris came back up from the lower levels and looked over her shoulder. "Giraffes evolved to fit the environment they lived in, gaining a different pattern for camouflage and growing much taller to be able to reach the leaves at the tops of trees. Meanwhile a different branch of the same root group continued to be mostly unchanged because they kept living in the environment they evolved up till that point to fit in the first place. So you end up with two relatives of the same root species that evolved look very different over millions of years."

Zach sighed and palmed his face. "Nature is weird."

Chris laughed. "Evolution is like that. At least you can use the Giraffe Disc as a basis for the new program. Usually we can use similar discs for animals that are very close, but the okapi and giraffe are a bit far apart for that to work."

"If you want to be giraffes then just use the discs you already have!" Zach said tersely. "Why do you want to be freaky little giraffes that look like they were smashed and painted?"

Martin went over to Koki's station. "May I?" he asked, and she moved aside for him. He typed in a few things and pulled up an image of some fossils. "Okapi have been around basically unchanged since the Miocene Epoch. They're living fossils! You know what living fossils are, right?"

"No, but I'd give my jet for a well-placed meteor right about now." Zach's eyes narrowed and he spoke incredulously. "The best selling point you have on this is that they're really OLD giraffes?"

Koki frowned. "Just make the discs, Zach. And fast, before Gourmand contributes to the depletion of an already depleted population."

Zach turned the chair around and began typing as if each individual key had somehow insulted him. "Fine. Maybe the codes will be more interesting than most mammals."

Koki blinked and walked over to look over Zach's shoulder. "How can the codes be more or less interesting? It's just a bunch of letters and numbers to me."

"Those groups of letters and numbers represent nucleobases, base-pairs, and hydrogen bonds. While I was looking back into the previous disc programs I found out that the genetic sequences for frogs is nearly twice the length of most mammals," he said simply. "Lots of loops and things that make them more complicated."

Martin stared, clearly impressed. "Have you been _studying this_?"

Zach snorted. "I'm doing the work, aren't I? When I accept a contract I have to learn how to do the job."

The Wild Kratts team began to look uneasy and watched Zach program with a new, deeper wariness than before.

"Zebras!" Jimmy said suddenly. "He actually knew the word! And he said 'giraffes' too. This may have been a _very_ bad idea."

"I'm gonna go call Aviva," Koki said and rushed to her station.

Chris raised a hand to pull Zach away from the station, but Martin grabbed his arm instead and pulled him back into a huddle. "Give him a chance, bro. I think Aviva's got a plan."

"Her plan is teaching Zach _everything we know_," Chris hissed urgently. "That definitely seems like a bad thing to me."

Martin nodded. "I know but think of it this way; now he won't need to use animals as a part of his inventions. That's a good thing, right?"

"Huh…" Chris voiced in slight surprise. "He'll have to change that silly business intro, then. Something like, 'Varmitech Industries; Stealing from Nature since I was Five Years Old'!"

Martin snorted and covered his mouth to stifle it, but it was too late.

"_I can hear all of you!_" Zach yelled sharply and stood like he'd been sitting on a tack. "_Zachbots!_"

Each Kratt member found themselves held up off the floor by their own Zachbot and held in a line. All of them struggled and protested loudly to this rough treatment, but Zach pointed to each one in turn and they stopped to hear him.

"You two go put your Creature Power Suits on and get ready to go the moment I'm done making these discs," he said to Martin and Chris. "I will not be blamed for this stupid creature rescue failing because I was doing my job and you weren't ready for yours!" Then he pointed to Koki. "You call Aviva and tell her to stop plotting things that involve me." Next he pointed to Jimmy. "You fly us to Zaire so Thing One and Thing Two can save the Zebra-Donkey thingies that _still look nothing like Giraffes_."

"Question," Martin said suddenly. "Which of us is 'Thing One'?"

Zach palmed his face tiredly. "Ugh… the Green Guy."

"Wha? But I'm older! That isn't fair," Martin protested while Chris grinned at him. "I want to be 'Thing One'!"

"You're 'Thing Two' because it rhymes with blue, and the joke still works if I say 'Thing Green' and 'Thing Blue'," Zach explained tiredly.

"HA!" Chris laughed in satisfaction.

"Aw," Martin groaned. "I didn't think you'd have a _reason_…"

Zach pointed to a leftover Zachbot, which had just finished mopping up Chris's juice. "Make me coffee. And all of you stop talking about me like I'm not actually here! This is not the playground and I'm not picking on your precious varmints, _not currently_, and treating me like a third wheel while I'm helping you is really not within my tolerance level right after I wake up!"

The Zachbots dropped them and there was a moment in which nobody knew what to do with themselves. Jimmy was the first to move. He sighed and went to the cockpit. Koki bit her lip, then grit her teeth, bunched her fists, and went to ask Aviva what the heck she thought she was doing hiring Varmitech in the first place. Martin looked like he was about to drag Zach out of the Tortuga by his ear, but Chris put an arm out to stop him and smiled.

"Zach," he began.

"What do you want?"

"We will stop talking about you as if you aren't in the room, and I apologize for doing it in the first place."

Martin gave him a look of disbelief.

Zach did too. "Really?"

Chris smiled and continued. "And Martin and I will do as you say this time on one condition."

Zach raised a brow and crossed his arms. "I'm listening."

"For the duration of this contract you have to switch to decaf after noon," Chris said triumphantly. "If nothing else it might be messing with your sleep."

Zach seemed to think about it, and then turned back to his work. "Fine."

Martin blinked in surprise and then followed Chris down to their compartments in the base of the Tortuga. "You handled that pretty well, bro. I'll call it a draw."

Chris shrugged. "Aviva has given us lots of practice dealing with the hissy-fits of enraged engineers. Besides, comparatively he didn't do anything more annoying than the time Jimmy locked us out of the Tortuga when we forgot to buy his pizzas."

"That's a good point. I guess he can't be too bad if he's actually doing what we hired him to do, even if he is loud and annoying about it," Martin admitted. "And we might not have known about the danger to the Okapi if he hadn't told us in the first place."

Chris nodded. "Yeah. Zach even refused to go to Gourmand's too. That by itself is pretty cool."

* * *

><p>Back at Aviva's workstation Zach continued coding even after his phone rang and displayed Donita's number. He didn't pick up because he knew the video was still on from that morning when he had been in the jet, but he did accidentally nudge it with his elbow and caused it to drop onto the floor. He was so involved in trying to figure out how to adjust the vertebrae thickness in the ridiculous neck from Giraffe to Okapi that he didn't notice the slide along the workstation had answered for him.<p>

Unfortunately the screen was pointed up, thus the camera was too.

Donita stared for only a second or two before she realized what Zach was doing. In the background behind her Dabio blinked, started to speak, and stopped when Donita slapped a hand over his mouth to stop him. She immediately hung up and called Gourmand, who was singing and sharpening a knife while two young Okapi whined in the background.

"You will not _believe_ what I just saw our dear Zach doing, Gaston."

"Gossip? Do tell."

"I just saw him tinkering around inside the Wild Kratts base! I think they've actually got him working for them!" she said gleefully.

Gourmand raised a brow and faced the screen on his phone, then put down his knife. "Why would they need Zach? They've got an inventor. A better one."

Donits huffed and crossed her arms. "Oh, who cares? Maybe she quit."

After a moment of considering that, Gaston went back to work. "Well, at least they still have the same number of girls on their team."

Donita and Dabio burst into laughter and only stopped long enough to get confirmation on dinnertime.

* * *

><p>The rescue mission was successful. Martin and Chris managed to release the two captive Okapi and confuse Donita, Dabio, and Gourmand by running between them and the escaping animals in their Okapi forms to confuse them on which ones they had to capture. Luckily, the real Okapi got away.<p>

Unfortunately, now _they _were the targets.

Chris and Martin ran along the dense forested path, well suited to moving in the tightly packed vegetation while Dabio struggled to push his way through after them. Though they were making progress there was more to be said for Dabio's stamina than anyone really wanted to admit, mostly because it would verify a lot of suspicions on why Donita tolerated him in the first place.

"Okay," Martin panted tiredly. "Dabio, like a wolf, is very much *gasp* a marathon runner!"

Chris took a few deep breaths and replied, "Even though Okapi can reach speeds up to 37 miles per hour, that doesn't apply while dodging trees, and we'll definitely get tired before that muscle-head does! He's totally going to catch us. What do we do?"

"Wolf Discs!" Martin said. "Chris, I'll lead Dabio away while you change and call HQ for Jimmy to teleport the discs. You hide!"

"Right, got it," Chris said, and leapt to the side of the path to crouch down and disguise himself in the shrubs. Chris paused long enough for Dabio to see him again and sped off into the woods again. Predictably, Dabio followed.

As soon as he passed by Chris stood up and bumped into a tree to deactivate his suit. He called HQ on his creature pod and took a few deep breaths while he waited for them to answer.

"Chris, what's up?" Jimmy said cheerfully.

"Wolf Discs. Teleport. Now," he gasped. "Martin needs it fast!"

"Got it!" Jimmy leapt up out of his chair and went to get them.

Back at the Tortuga Zach cackled as he watched everyone rush around. "Trouble?"

"Hush up and do your job, Zach," Koki said sharply.

"I'm done. And I will now use my free time to enjoy watching all this chaos." He stood and stretched, then moved to Jimmy's station and leaned back against the chair's back to have a better view.

Koki frowned and turned back to her screen, determined to ignore him. "Hang tight, guys."

Just then Jimmy rushed toward the Teleporter with the discs. "Got 'em!" He did not, however, expect Zach to be in his way when he hurried toward his destination. In his hurry to get the Wolf Discs to the Kratts as fast as he could he barreled right into Zach and knocked him back onto the Teleporter. The Wolf Discs went flying and knocked Jimmy's controller halfway off the side of his station, where it balanced there precariously.

Zach had just enough time to sit up on his knees on the Teleporter pad and shout, Hey!" before the controller tipped, fell onto its top, and activated it.

Zach disappeared, Koki's jaw dropped, and Jimmy cringed.

"Is that thing safe for living things?" she asked quietly.

"I... don't know," Jimmy answered. "Even if it is, we're extremely lucky that all of him was inside the beam at once."

Koki put a hand over her mouth and swallowed. "Where were you aiming?"

"Martin."

"Call him. Now."

* * *

><p>Martin was nearing the end of his endurance when something crashed into him out of nowhere, knocking him completely off his feet and hitting the button on his suit, leaving him sprawled on the path and out of breath with something heavy on his chest. He lay stunned for a moment or two before his Creature Pod rang and he lifted his arm to answer it.<p>

Koki's worried face appeared very close to the screen. "Martin, is Zach with you?"

"Zach?" Martin asked in a daze.

"He got sent in the Teleporter," she said hesitantly. "It was an accident. Just tell me he's ok."

Martin's eyes widened and he sat up slowly, one arm around what he _hoped_ was an intact Zach. After a brief look-over and realizing that he was breathing and merely looked dazed and confused Martin let out a relief whoosh of breath. "Good news - the Teleporter works!"

Koki and Jimmy had very much the same reaction from their side of the video feed.

"Yay," Zach drawled acidly. "Now tell Dabio how he should let us go in the light of a major scientific discovery."

Martin froze and turned to see the hulking blonde looming over them. "Aw, poo."

Zach reached out and hit the button on Martin's suit in the hopes that he could at least start running again now that he'd had a short break, but it merely clicked and sparked. "You broke it!?"

Dabio hiked both of them up and tossed them over his shoulders to carry back to Gourmand's temporary setup.

Martin held up his hands helplessly as Zach glared evilly at him from across Dabio's back. "Uh... technically you broke it when you hit me."

* * *

><p>"If I could fit through that window I would leave you and those zonkeys here for dinner, Wild Rat," Zach said darkly. They were in a storage room in the back of Gourmand's riverside setup, locked in until the attending villains could figure out what to do with them. For a fold-out portable kitchen the place was amazingly sturdy.<p>

Martin rolled his eyes. "You know the right word; I heard you say 'okapi' earlier. Why do you keep saying 'zonkeys'?"

"Because it's annoying you."

Martin balked, then frowned, then took a calming breath. "Nevermind. Now how do we get out of this?"

"I don't know!"

Martin crossed his arms and groaned. "Well, they're your uh... aquaintances-"

Zach rolled his eyes. "That is so wrong I don't even know where to start explaining it."

Martin groaned. "So we're stuck until Chris comes to help. Do you have any advice for dealing with Gourmand?"

"Yeah," the pale man said blithely. "Never eat anything he won't explicitly identify. Endangered _animals _aren't the only living things it's illegal to cook with."

Martin's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. "I thought he was kidding when he said Chris would be dessert after the Platypus eggs!"

"Yeah, me too; then he invited me back a month later. I don't even want to think about where he got the meat."

"Did you…?"

"No; I'm not going to eat something if I don't know what it is, or if I do know and it's _people_! I'm not sure about Donita and Dabio, though. Just be thankful he never makes the same meal twice."

Martin shuddered and his eyes stared off into nothing in shock.

Zach called out for his Zachbots futilely, banged on the wall, pulled at the hinges and sat down to pout. "My Zachbots are too far away and Donita took all my controllers so I can't summon them manually. Your suit is busted and I can't fix it without my tools, and the door is too thick for you to break it down. I hate to say it, Martin, but you're the expert at these creature rescue thingies; well, technically we're creatures. So, what do we do?" No answer came and Zach turned around. "Blue boy?" he asked again, waving his hands in front of vacant blue eyes. "Hello! Still trying to escape!"

Finally he screamed, "MARTIN!" and smacked the unresponsive man across the face as hard as he could. They both shouted at the same time in reaction to the sting, then Martin glared venomously while Zach shook his stinging hand, wincing. He answered Martin's glare with one of his own while he rubbed the shock out of his hand. "Look, don't be too freaked out to do anything useful, ok? That's MY thing! If you're relying on me to be the brave one here we're done!"

"Alright, fine. Just give me a minute to think."

"I'm guessing it'll be a very long minute," Zach said wryly and turned away to stare at the small, high window and wished for the second time he could fit through it.

Suddenly he found himself sitting on Martin's shoulders because the idiot had charged at him from behind like they were children playing leap-frog. Startled, Zach shrieked and latched his hands firmly in Martin's hair, resolving that if he was going to be taken down he was taking a few fistfuls of dumb blonde with him. "What are you doing!?"

"Helping you reach that panel on the ceiling."

"Put me down! I only let things carry me that I've specifically programmed to do that!"

"So, basically you trust machines more than people."

"…was that not clear?" Zach asked wryly. "We've known each other since we were literally two feet tall. How do you not know that?"

Martin frowned. "Look, we're out of options and your robots aren't here; you'll have to trust me. Now, can you or can you not open that panel?"

"It's screwed shut and I don't have any tools."

"You always have tools!" Martin snapped. "What about that multi-tool thing you keep in your shoe?"

Zach hesitated. "Donita took it when she got all my remotes."

Martin lifted a brow. "Searched you pretty well, didn't she?"

Zach growled. "Donita tends to do that. How's your _modelling career_ by the way? There's only one way you could have gotten into that stupid outfit while stuck in that pose-beam and Dabio was outside with me setting up."

Martin glared and opened his mouth to argue that, then recollection dawned and he dug into his pocket. "Wait, I think I've got something." He proudly held up a bit of silverware he'd stuck in his pocket that morning. They hadn't taken anything from Martin but his Creature Pod because his suit was damaged and that was usually all he had that was an issue.

"Do you even know what's in there?" Zach asked blankly. "You want me to unscrew this potentially dangerous panel with a butter knife?"

"Well, you'd have to let go of my hair first." Martin winced.

"But-"

"I will NOT drop you."

Zach groaned and slowly let go. After a moment of maintained stability in his support he sighed before taking the knife. "Fine, but not a word of this to anyone, Wild Rat." He hesitated upon seeing how much higher the panel still was, bracing his arm on the top of Martin's head. He'd have to stretch pretty far to reach it, meaning there would be no secure handhold if Martin swayed and he very much didn't want to fall.

Martin grinned. "Aviva could do it," he challenged.

Immediately Zach started twisting the screws with the knife's tip and grumbling obscenities. "Just be still. One false move and we could both end up fried if this turns out to be electrical or something."

"Relax, I help Chris into trees and stuff all the time. Besides, you're lighter than Aviva."

Zach paused, looked down and raised a brow. "I'm positive there isn't a difference of more than ten pounds between me and Corcovado, if that. That's a pretty narrow variable for someone at your fitness level to notice."

Martin arched a brow obliviously. "So?"

"How often does she get a Kratt-ride exactly?" Zach asked pointedly.

Martin instantly looked as if he was looking down the barrel of a cannon. "Uh…" He then grit his teeth and glared. "Not a _word_, Varmitech."

"You started it," Zach snapped.

"How do you know how much Aviva weighs, anyway?" Martin asked suspiciously.

"My Zachbots process information on their surroundings continuously; I never know what will be useful later and what won't so all Zachbots are in constant contact with a central processor they all share. In addition to everything else they keep tabs on they weigh anything they pick up automatically."

"So you know how much everyone weighs?" Martin asked.

"If my Zachbots have lifted them recently, yes." Zach replied blandly. "You should tell Koki to stop eating so many of Jimmy's brownies, by the way."

"Do you _want_ me to drop you?"

Zach's hands immediately went back to clutching Martin's head. "No!"

"Then shut up and open the panel."

"…kay."

Not long after that the panel clattered to the floor. Martin strained to see. "What is it?"

"Outlets, probably to make this room a backup kitchen for big events," Zach said blandly. "Now put me down- uh..." Zach's eyes widened as he caught sight of something outside the window. "And back away from the wall."

Martin knelt so Zach could step down. "Why? What did you see?"

"A green elephant," Zach said simply, backing up to the far wall.

Martin grinned and cringed when the wall collapsed under Chris's charge.

"Hi guys!" he said triumphantly. "Zach, good to see you in one piece."

Zach ran past him and out toward freedom. "Whatever, let's just get out of here before they catch us!"

"I brought the Manta Riders." Chris said to Martin, deactivating his suit. "Let's go."

Of course they couldn't resist celebrating as they left yet another successful creature rescue. Zach wound up on Martin's Manta Rider and had to put up with his sufer-like method of piloting it.

"Stop getting so close to the rocks!" Zach demanded.

"Oh, relax. I know what I'm doing," Martin said confidently just before the rider bucked beneath them from a small impact.

"You idiot!" Zach punched him weakly in the side while Martin laughed sheepishly.

As they approached the Tortuga at a speed that made Zach hold on for dear life, Martin suddenly realized that he'd hit something on that last sharp turn, ripping a gouge into the underside of his Manta Rider and damaging it. He couldn't slow it down.

"Uh-oh…"

"Don't say that!" Zach shrieked. "That is _never _a good thing to say while driving!"

Martin tried to change direction so he could follow the river until a better idea presented itself, but that didn't seem to be working either. They were going to miss the ramp and ram straight into the Tortuga. Unless they wanted to be tenderized crocodile food they'd have to jump into the water before they hit. Whereas Martin was accustomed to this sort of thing and knew how to handle it, he sincerely doubted his passenger had the same advantage.

Quickly Martin looped his arm around Zach's waist and yanked him off the Manta Rider. "Sorry Zach!"

Zach screeched and tried to grab on again but Martin had his wrists locked with his remaining hand, standing on the rider with no handhold like an expert surfer. "What are you doing!?"

Martin ignored him. "CHRIS! THINK FAST!"

"Huh!?" Chris asked, turning to look at his brother just in time to notice what was going on. In one swift motion Martin widened his stance and tossed Zach over ten feet. It was a small miracle that he hit Chris dead-on. Chris managed to catch him and not crash into the water, but just barely. Once Zach was stable and no longer screaming Chris looked up just in time to see Martin's Manta Rider smash into the Tortuga with a sickening crunch; severely damaging the right rear propulsion engine on their base and snapping the Rider in half on impact.

"MARTIN!" he yelled. Zach managed to get a good grip on Chris just before they sped off toward the accident.

Jimmy and Koki were already there after hearing the impact and yelling for Martin as they frantically searched the water. Chris leapt off his Manta Rider to do the same while Zach clutched his chest as if he were having a heart attack and tried to catch his breath.

Seconds later, Martin surfaced, spluttering. "Hi, bro. Did I miss?" he asked Chris worriedly when he didn't spot Zach at first. "Oh, there he is."

Jimmy, Koki, and Chris let out a whoosh of breath in relief and Chris reached out to help Martin onto the Tortuga. "You scared us!"

Zach blinked. "Hey. You _threw me_!" he said accusingly at Martin.

"My Manta Rider was damaged and I couldn't stop or steer," he explained.

"Because you were getting too close to the rocks like I said!" Zach protested.

Martin sighed. "Okay, you have a point. But I didn't think you'd appreciate hitting a giant metal turtle at forty miles per hour, and I didn't think you'd fare much better hitting the water either; but I'm trained for it. Besides, Chris caught you."

Jimmy gasped suddenly and clapped his hands a few times as an idea struck him. "Guys, you're brilliant! You've just invented a new game!"

"We have?" Martin asked in confusion.

Koki caught on and snickered. "Yeah! Zach-Ball! He's obviously light enough for you guys to toss around over decent distances."

Jimmy continued teasingly while Zach opened his mouth to protest and nothing really came out but nervous splutters. "I call Martin has the first point. Maybe we could hook up the badminton net on two sides of a river or pond, because tossing over water is essential in case someone drops him. Koki, get a notepad! We need rules for this!"

"Won't his flailing and yelling make it more difficult to toss and catch him?" Chris asked.

Martin grinned. "That'd just make it more fun."

Zach found his voice and seethed, stomping his foot for emphasis. "No! No, _NO, __**NO!**_"

"…spoilsport," Chris smirked.

Zach held out both hands as if to strangle Jimmy, then growled and put them down again. He tried to speak calmly, which means that his tone was slightly less caustic than lye. "Koki, are you forgetting that we now have to _fix_ all this damage!?"

Koki's eyes widened in shock and then her face fell into a mask of annoyance and disappointment. "Oh… yeah. I'll get the toolboxes."

**Day 5**

**[Are you dead yet?] **Zach texted Aviva.

It was probably not the best way to begin a conversation, but after being up all night with Koki trying to get both the Tortuga and the Manta Riders in working order again it was as polite as he was capable of being at the moment. Zach was about ready to storm out and leave these idiots to deal with their own problems and intended to tell Aviva at great length about how stupid she was for working with them to begin with. A good rant would do wonders for his ability to sleep the morning away, which was exactly what he would need considering Jimmy would be taking the shift to supervise him and he wasn't certain how well he would be able to sleep through the video game noise.

Unfortunately he would have to wait for her to call him on the station first and that had occasionally failed to happen in the past few days. Martin had called the hospital in a panic once and discovered that Aviva was just asleep and the nurses had taken her computer and creature pod away from her to make sure she would stay that way. As predicted, Aviva was not easily separated from her technology for long.

Aviva's video didn't come on for a sufficiently irritating period of time, but she eventually answered. She was pale and looked as if an animal had recently tried to build a nest out of her hair. When she saw Zach and sensed his frustration she answered with a little grin that absolutely did not belong on someone that ill.

**[Are you ready to give up yet?]** she typed.

"No," he snapped defensively and immediately regretted it. There went his 'I quit' speech. Now that she had issued the challenge, however, Zach would be damned if he was going to quit. She'd be insufferably pleased about it forever.

Aviva put her chin in her hands and smugly regarded him in a way that made him want to reach through the screen and strangle her. She lazily used her left hand to pluck out her next message while the right continued to rest under her chin. Undoubtedly she thought she was cute. Zach disagreed. Mostly.

**[It's weird for you to be up this early, Zach. Do you need help?]**

The second challenge made him bristle. "Yes, I need help figuring out why you never put a remote deactivator for the Creature Power Suits on your 'To-Do List'. It seems like an _abysmally obvious_ safety feature that should have been in the original plans, or at the very least an afterthought due to the number of times they have either malfunctioned, been lost, stolen, or hacked."

**[You're actually telling me to improve a system that you have broken into? Why?]**

"So it'll be more fun to break in next time! Your codes are too easy to amuse me for long!" he snapped, and ended the call.

If nothing else he hoped hanging up on his rival would sufficiently infuriate her to cause another coughing fit. His plan blown by a combination of pride, poor planning, and lack of sleep, Zach headed toward the Tortuga's exit to the sanctuary of his jet. On the way there he encountered more stupid than he was prepared to deal with.

"Jimmy! We'll order you a new controller, ok?" Chris said. "Or fly into the nearest city to get one there."

The entire Wild Kratts team was standing around their Pilot, who was sitting in a near-fetal position and clutching his controller. His eye was twitching and he didn't reply, at least not coherently.

Koki had her hands over her mouth in worry, but took them down to speak. "How did it break anyway?"

"I think it just got old," Martin said weakly." He uses it a lot, so it wore out. When he tried using it this morning there was a click and nothing would respond."

Zach growled, pushed Chris out of his way, and snatched the controller.

"Hey!" the vocal three snapped at him instantly.

"What are you-" Koki began, then stopped and watched as Zach pulled out a small set of screwdrivers and started to dismantle the overused device.

Over the next several minutes Zach repaired the controller, which had honestly just been the victim of normal wear and tear, and gave it back to Jimmy. The avid gamer was instantly happy again and hugged it like it was a stuffed animal.

"Stop breaking things," Zach hissed, and stalked off to go to bed.

"Uh… thanks?" Martin called after him.

"Isn't it Jimmy's turn to watch him?" Chris asked after Zach had left.

Koki sighed. "I got it," and went to get something to read while she waited for him to wake up.

**Day 6**

After the fiasco the day before and Zach's subsequent foul temper from his now very skewed sleeping schedule the Wild Kratts used the next day to plan a new mission, restock, and check up on Aviva. Zach stayed in his jet and worked on projects for other clients after being told he had a day off, but he went back into the Tortuga after he was finished to see if anything had gone horribly awry while he was otherwise occupied. It wouldn't have surprised him.

It was dark by the time he went to do this. He correctly assumed that everyone would either be asleep or preparing to go to bed and Jimmy was already asleep in his jet after Zach's working schedule apparently passed his naptime. Zach tried only fleetingly to wake him and gave up after less than a minute, thus he was left alone in the Tortuga's main area unsupervised for a blessed half hour during which he did _absolutely nothing wrong_ out of spite in the hopes of making his constant supervision seem increasingly stupid and unfair.

It was after 10 when Aviva called.

Zach answered the beeping console and raised a brow when Aviva's tired face displayed. Her hair was properly brushed and tied back, she was wearing enough makeup to give her somewhat of a normal skin tone but not enough to be obvious, and she was dressed in red silk pajamas that Zach assumed her mother had brought to make her more comfortable in the hospital. She even had earrings in.

"Given that you've prettied up before calling I'm guessing you were expecting Martin," Zach smirked, relishing in her look of awkward surprise.

**[How do you know that?]**

"Because I can count without holding up my fingers," he said simply.

Aviva let out a frustrated sigh and immediately changed the subject.** [I heard you fixed Jimmy's controller.]**

Zach shrugged and stirred his herbal tea. "That's what you do here, right?"

**[It isn't really an obligation to fix the personal items of those you work with. It's a courtesy. So thanks.]**

"His hissy fit was irritating," he said blandly. "Besides, he uses that controller to operate the Teleporter. I don't trust him using buttons he isn't familiar with. If I didn't fix the controller I was afraid he'd accidentally send any future discs to Mars."

Aviva smiled at him and sat back to rest. **[Still.]**

"How long will it be before you can talk anyway?"

**[Another week or so. I'm supposed to resist coughing if at all possible, so I shouldn't talk until the sore throat and congestion goes down. It definitely seems to be getting better. I can take deeper breaths.]**

Zach huffed. "Good. I don't know how much longer I can stand working with these people. I gotta admit though, working on those genetic codes is pretty fun. I can see why you like doing it. I'm actually looking forward to an amphibian code. They're _massive_ in comparison to mammals. I mean… some of those 'living fossil' things Koki told me about, like the Tuatara, have between five and six billion base pairs in the DNA sequence, and humans only have a little over three billion base pairs. I really thought mammals would have been _more_ complicated instead of_ less_ complicated…"

**[That's because DNA is like a recipe. As certain instructions become redundant in relation to the rest of the code they don't get written into the new version.]**

"How's that?" Zach asked, suddenly very interested.

Aviva sat up straighter and pulled up some video from an earlier Wild Kratts mission to observe Crocodiles. She displayed relevant bits of video while explaining in a different text window.

**[When Crocodiles lay their eggs the gender of the hatchlings is determined by what temperature the eggs are incubated at. It's vaguely like setting the temperature on an oven when making a pizza; for crispier crust you cook it at a higher temperature for a shorter period of time, and for softer crust you use a lower temperature over a longer period. For Crocodiles you get more females if the eggs are incubated at 86 °F or less and a pretty even number of males and females at 88 °F, but at 90 to 91 °F you get mostly males.]**

"That's weird. And complicated," Zach said simply.

**[Yes it is complicated. And it requires a LOT of instructions in the recipe, meaning a longer DNA sequence. Different enzymes are released at different temperatures to create different genders. Besides that there's the temperature control of the creature itself, which requires lots of different enzymes at different temperatures too, the code to make the hard egg, the instinct to bury them and how and where… all that has to be in the genome for the animal to survive and reproduce.**

**But when you grow mammals, except for the Platypus and Echidna which still lay eggs, the babies are grown inside the mom. The oven temperature is standard and already controlled by a separate section of the sequence regarding maintaining core temperature in the adult. So when it comes time to grow the baby the oven is always going to be the same; the recipe doesn't need to note what chemicals are needed to make what gender depending on how hot or cold things get, and there are no codes needed on how to make the hard eggs able to survive outside because the baby stays inside the mom until it can survive without external support. **

**As evolution progressed toward mammals certain instructions became redundant and since they weren't needed anymore they got eliminated from the recipe, shortening the genome. This process happened in lots and lots of little ways until it took only about half of the code to make a mammal rather than a reptile. If you really think about it all organisms are sort of like molecular computers.]**

Zach blinked. "Huh… that makes a scary amount of sense when you say it like that.

**[Right! Your inventions might work a lot better if you based them on animals rather than using the animals themselves. It would be easier now that you have a better idea of how the animals actually work and how they relate to things you're already good at.]**

Zach crossed his arms and sat back in the chair, giving her a suspicious look. "I know you're manipulating me. Blue Boy thought as much, too. It won't work."

Aviva persisted.

**[You've already done it. With the Praying Mantis arms, remember? There's no way that tiny mantis you had in your vest was actually powering those arms. I'll bet you just had it there for decoration and you figured out how to make the mantis arms work roughly the same way I did for the Creature Power Suit. Letting you see my inventions, the things I can do with animal abilities, isn't letting you steal. It's just advancing the inevitable. You would have figured it out on your own eventually and we both know it.]**

"You just want me to leave the animals alone," he accused.

**[That is definitely a large part of my reasoning, but you have more talent than you realize, Zach. I'm trying to help you develop it. Is it really so bad working this way; making things without using the animals themselves? If nothing else programs and machines are easier to deal with directly.]**

Zach stared at her for a long moment before seeming to melt back into the chair wearily. "…I'll consider it."

Aviva smiled and nodded appreciatively.** [I guess breaking it down into a series of chemicals and codes made it a little simpler for you. ** **You always did understand facts and numbers easier than people or nature.]**

"To be fair… so did you. For a while," Zach said accusingly. There was a strained pause while they stared at each other. "Did you ever tell your pet Wild Rat how you know so much about me? Favorite color, number and all that?" he asked. "I don't have that sixth toe anymore, by the way," he added quickly. "I had it removed after High School. That six you used to hack my Zachbots represented something else. You got lucky is all."

**[I guess I did.] **

"Well?"

Aviva shook her head.** [You were a decent childhood sweetheart, but I didn't know any other people that could handle technology the way I did. That was really all it was, Zach. We just got along in one specific way that nobody else could offer me at the time. I was worried if I told Martin we used to date he'd think I would only be interested in technology-oriented people.]**

Zach considered being angry about that, but it wasn't as if she'd said she was ashamed of him or anything, and the reason did sort of make sense. "I'm surprised you didn't go for the Green Guy instead. He's the slightly smarter one."

**[It's not an easy thing to explain. That's just the way it happened. I was really trying to keep my relationships professional, but Martin sort of started the whole thing.]**

"So he made the first move," Zach said a bit bitterly. "That works. I guess."

Aviva sighed.** [It's been surprisingly nice talking to you, but could you get Martin before I get nagged about going to sleep, please?]**

"I didn't have any other technology-oriented friends either after you left, you know. Not any that were remotely at our level," Zach blurted acidly, then frowned and turned away. The accidental compliment had surprised both of them. "I'll let Blue Boy know you're waiting."

Aviva typed, **[Thanks, Zach.]** but he didn't see it. He had already left.

As he passed the bathroom on the way back from Martin's compartment he heard the distinctive sound of glass shattering. After only a minor silent hissy fit which consisted largely of clenching his fist and dancing in place like an epileptic he knocked on the door and wearily asked, "What was that?"

Koki answered, but hesitantly. "The mirror. What are you doing in here? Is Jimmy with you?"

"Getting milk for my tea," he said simply. "I'm out. And no; he was asleep and waking him up is _impossible_. Where's the spare mirror?"

"I don't think we have one. I'll run into town and get it tomorrow."

"Fine. Goodnight," he said sharply and left for his jet.

**Day 7**

Koki had cleaned up the glass and gone to town before Zach got back the next day, but he still went to check on it anyway. Of the Kratts Team he was the most tolerant of Koki; she researched the animals for him, knew where the maintenance stuff and tools were, and generally cleaned up her own messes. On that last note Jimmy seemed make a lot of messes, but cleaned the ones he made as well as other people's messes too if the Zachbots didn't get to them first.

The Kratt brothers were still beyond obnoxious, though.

Zach grumbled to himself as he worked on repairing Aviva's Invention Kit, or what now qualified as a Mobile Disc Generator. He planned to have it functioning again as a backup before something happened to Aviva's station; which was very likely at the rate these nature-loving people destroyed things, albeit unintentionally. After only seven days Zach had experienced two unnerving epiphanies. One, he had a new, deeper respect for Aviva and the work she did here and; two, a certainty that she already knew what it would feel like to be a single mother of four children under the age of five.

As time passed he felt less annoyed by their constant supervision of him and more relieved that at least one of them would be in his line of sight at all times, thus allowing him to figure out who had broken what more easily. The prime suspects were always blue or green.

"I can't believe I've been here a _whole week_," he whined as he switched to a different tool.

"Neither can I," Chris said mildly as he flipped through a magazine for camping and climbing equipment nearby, marking down things the team needed. Martin was doing a similar list for fishing, diving, and general water-related things. "But it seems to be working out ok."

Zach just growled and made a conspicuously worse amount of noise while he worked in the hopes of distracting the lounging Kratts. There was no discernible reaction until Zach tried to turn the thing over to work from a different angle and strained to do so. He gave up quickly and had a Zachbot turn it over instead.

"It's no wonder you don't have much upper body strength if you have your Zachbots do everything for you," Chris said placidly.

"Chris," Martin chided, flipping the page in his own magazine. "Be nice."

"I was just making an observation," Chris finished defensively. "Am I wrong?"

"Well…" Martin hesitated.

Zach crossed his arms. "Are you done?"

Chris shrugged noncommittally.

They were silent until Zach needed it turned again and his Zachbot was off cleaning some windows. Zach tried to move it himself quietly enough for the Kratts not to notice and failed when his fingers slipped and he dropped it just enough to make a small thud.

"Need me to lift that for you?" Chris asked immediately.

Zach glared. "No."

"Alright. Just let me or Martin know if you need help-"

Gritting his teeth out of frustration only had the undesirable effect of making it look like Zach was struggling to lift the device even more than he already was. "_No, thank you_," he ground out forcefully.

Chris lifted a brow. "You're sure?" he teased one last time.

"_Chris_," Martin warned wearily.

Zach put the Mobile Disc Generator down and snapped, "OUT!" Chris broke and fled laughing while Zach threw blank Creature Power Discs at his back.

Martin rolled his eyes. "Sorry, Zach."

Going back to work now that a different Zachbot had finished its assigned chore and was available to help, Zach muttered, "Sometimes it really is obvious which of you is older."

Martin smiled. "But seriously; I can help if-" An enraged yell and six more blank discs thrown had Martin fleeing too, arms over his head for shielding. "Hey! I really meant it!" the older Kratt complained just before getting through a doorway to safety. Chris was waiting on the other side. Martin rolled his eyes at him. "Why did you pick on him?"

"I guess it's sort of fun having him around," Chris admitted. "It's not as if he can throw anything hard enough to really hurt."

"No, but the Zachbots can," Martin pointed out.

Chris frowned. "Oh, yeah."

"Let's get ready. We'll probably get to our drop point soon. Australia, remember?"

"Ooh, Australia! We're parachuting this time, right?"

"Right."

* * *

><p>After the drop the Kratts started searching for their next animal; the Tree Kangaroo. They had to walk a ways past the tree line in order to get far enough to find them. Unfortunately they found a different animal first. Or rather it found them.<p>

"Hey, Martin," Chris said in an eerie calm that immediately set his brother on edge.

"Yeah?"

"Do you know if we have Death Adder antivenin in stock on the Tortuga?"

Martin instantly stopped and turned. "Yes, but tell me you don't actually need it!"

Chris was sitting on a fallen log, hand on his right knee and wincing due to the puncture wounds halfway up his calf. "Sorry, bro. Can't do that."

Martin rushed over and knelt down, wincing when he saw the bit of fluid that was very much not blood oozing out of the bite. "What happened!?"

"I must have startled it when I walked past the log," Chris explained. "It was in a pile of leaves near the base."

Martin quickly called the Tortuga on his Creature Pod, getting a little shaky when the first call was not answered. "Are you _sure_ it was an Acanthophis?"

Chris nodded and took a deep breath. He slid off the log and lay back against it. Staying calm was vital. Neither of them touched the bite. For Australian snakes that was a bad idea.

This certainly wasn't the first bite the Kratt brothers had suffered and they knew what to do, but it was the first time help had been so far away... and unlikely to get there fast. After the drop, HQ was going to go ahead to the next town to resupply.

"Yes," Chris said firmly. "Short thick body, triangular head, small scales. It slithered off after biting me. It looked kind of disappointed. Guess I wasn't what it was looking for."

"Good, the venom progression is slow." The lighthearted attitude Chris was trying to put forth was lost on Martin, who called again and growled when the call once again went to message. Instead of the Tortuga he called Jimmy's Creature Pod and set his own down to let it ring on speaker while he took off his jacket and started cutting it into wide strips with his pocketknife. As Martin wrapped the strips around the entirety of Chris's leg Jimmy's pod rang three times before it was finally answered.

"Jimmy!" Martin said in relief.

Zach's voice answered instead, causing both brothers to look down in confusion. "No, your stupid pilot left his pod thingy in my jet. They went to go shopping or something. What is so important you had to wake me up?"

Chris groaned. "I'm doomed, aren't I?"

"No you are not, Chris. Shut up and be still," Martin ordered sharply. He grabbed the pod and stared down into Zach's surprised image gravely. "Listen very carefully, Zach. Chris has been bitten by a venomous snake and needs treatment as soon as possible. We're too far out for emergency services to get here quickly and there is antivenin on the Tortuga. I'm sending our location. I need you to bring the antivenin here _immediately_. All of the needed equipment should be in the kit. Do you understand?"

"What!?" Zach put the pod down and started moving from his jet to the Tortuga. "This isn't my job. Shouldn't we get your friends or take him to a hospital?"

Martin grit his teeth. "YES; as soon as we can, but we have to treat the bite with the antivenin we have before that and Koki and Jimmy are too far away to wait for. YOU have to bring it. The label on the antivenin should say Acanthophis or Death Adder. If we have more than one vial bring all of them. I'll start carrying Chris that way and try to get out of the woods so you can see us better."

Zach seemed to be handling the situation well, despite the creature pod screen shaking a bit. "Okay, but send me the name in a text to make sure I get the right one. I'll be on my way with the jeep."

"Createrra," Chris corrected.

"Whatever!" he snapped and hung up.

Chris smiled. "Huh. He actually sounds worried. Weird."

Martin sent the text and put his Creature Pod back on his wrist, then knelt with his back to his brother. "Alright, Chris, let's go."

As they headed out of the forest Chris could tell Martin was tense. "When was the last time we did this?"

"Uhm... right around when you almost got eaten by a Loggerhead Shrike. But I think it was the other way around."

"Oh yeah," Chris said thoughtfully. "You know we're only half an hour from the tree line, and Zach isn't completely useless. The chances of dying from a Death Adder bite with treatment is very low and we have time. Try not to be all overprotective and stuff, ok?"

"I'll stop being overprotective when you're older than me," Martin said tightly. "And since I doubt Aviva will let you use the Time Trampoline for something so silly you're stuck."

Martin kept walking, answering when spoken to and keeping his mind on moving as far and as fast as he could without tiring out completely. He wouldn't be much help if he collapsed. When they reached the tree line and passed out into an open area Chris was feeling nauseous and dizzy, but thus far hadn't experienced any symptoms of paralysis. While this meant that he might not be _badly _envenomed, it still indicated that he was definitely in danger. Sometimes it took a good number of hours for paralysis to set in.

"Take a break, Martin," Chris prompted. "Zach should be on his way." Martin didn't reply and kept going doggedly forward. "Martin. Will you answer if I start calling you 'Thing One'?"

"No."

"Yeah, I thought that would work. Now stop," Chris said.

"Why?"

"Because if you don't I might puke on you."

Martin snorted. "So, business as usual then?"

Chris swallowed heavily and shuddered. "I had the flu, ok?"

Martin did stop then, looking around. He knelt and set Chris down. "Don't freak out, Chris, but I think we have a problem. I was trying to save time by going in a straight line to the Tortuga instead of taking the same path we did before."

Chris groaned gratefully for the moment of stillness and tried to settle his stomach. "What's the problem?"

"There's a cliff."

Chris opened his eyes and groaned again, trying not to get scared. "I don't think either Zach or the Createrra can climb."

Martin swore and set Chris down, looking into the distance. "It's too far on either side. We're climbing down."

"You're not the climber, you're the swimmer!" Chris protested.

"Shush and be still so I can tie you on my back."

Chris yanked on his brother's hair. "This is really dangerous!"

Martin ignored it and took the rope out of Chris's backpack. "So is letting you go much longer without treatment!"

"If you fall and we survive I get bragging rights **_forever_**!" the younger Kratt informed his brother petulantly.

"And if we make it you have to buy me a new jacket, since you're currently wearing mine."

"Deal."

By the time Zach arrived and hour later they were only halfway down and safe on a small ledge, but Martin was well past the ability to do much more. Chris was having trouble making his hands respond and had been told to lie still until they could continue down. He was draped over a rock and facing the shade on the inside of the cliff face since the light was making his headache terrible.

"Zach!" Martin called in relief. Toss me the antivenin!" Martin said urgently.

Zach gritted his teeth as he looked up at them from below. "What exactly makes you think I can throw that far!?"

"That statement would be _hilarious_ if it didn't herald my doom," Chris muttered.

"Will you STOP with the upper-body-strength jokes!?" Zach shrieked furiously. "WE GET IT!"

"You have to try!" Martin insisted. "Chris needs that antivenin NOW! Paralysis is starting to set in!"

Zach did a swift burst of mental arithmetic on the distance and the fragility of the container. He didn't like the results.

"If either of us misses it'll break," Zach reasoned. "There's two vials but they're different numbers. One ends with 12 and the other 07..."

"If they both say Acanthophis either should work, now toss me the kit!" Martin demanded.

"That's not a good idea," Zach answered firmly. "You're too impulsive. It won't do Chris any good if I came all this way just to break his medicine all over a bunch of rocks!" Not that he would particularly mind being down one Kratt, he reasoned to himself, but even if it wasn't his fault the rest of the team was libel to take their grief out on _him._

Martin glared. "Well, you're the genius. Think of something!"

Zach flinched. "Okay, okay!"

As he had left the Tortuga he had tossed the antivenin kit in the first backpack he saw, which had nothing in it; so no help there. Suddenly an idea occurred to him and he ran back to the Createrra, which had some things covered by a tarp in the back. He yanked the tarp away and grinned when he saw a Tranquilizer Gun glimmering invitingly in the harsh sun. After looking back up at the Kratt brothers on the cliff and verifying that Chris was still facing _toward_ the cliff Zach grinned like a Cheshire cat.

He might have to save the green guy from his own idiocy but at least he got to have fun doing it. Just a few modifications and-

The little metallic clinks as Zack tinkered with the components in the tracker gun alerted the dizzy Kratt, who strained to listen through the buzz in his ears. "Now what is he doing?" Chris demanded.

Martin's eyes widened as comprehension dawned. Luckily Chris's face was still facing away from the light and he couldn't see his brother's uh-oh face. "Uh… nothing! Just stay still."

"Don't lie to me Martin!"

Deftly Zach began filling the tranquilizer cartridge with the antivenin and stuck it in the specialized pressure chamber. Mentally congratulating himself on actually being allowed to shoot a Wild Kratt, Zach took aim. Martin covered his eyes.

"I'm going to enjoy this far more than I should…" Zach mused, and fired. Chris's offended and pained shout was music to his ears and sent birds flying away from nearby trees in a panic.

Martin fought to repress a smile as he took his hand off his eyes and examined the makeshift dart protruding from the left side of his brother's backside. He failed horribly. "Looks like that worked! You're gonna' be alright, bro."

"Good, because I'm going to strangle _both of you_ when I can feel my hands again," Chris hissed bitterly.

Zach scoffed and threw down the tranquilizer gun that he now had to revert before Aviva got back. "Fine, I'll just let you die next time!"

Martin gave Zach a grateful thumbs-up.

Zach answered with a similar gesture but used a different finger.

* * *

><p>Okay, I am well aware that snake antivenins should be administered intravenously not intramuscularly, but Aviva already did it too in 'Gila Monster Under My House'. Gila Monster venom is a neurotoxin, much weaker than but similar to that of Coral Snake venom, thus it would be treated the same way as snake venom would (if Gila Monster venom warranted it – it's very rarely fatal). But instead of an IV she gave Zach an injection, so I feel like I can get away with that sort of inaccuracy in a fanfiction based on a show where they already got it wrong in canon. Besides; the joke was just too good to miss. Chris sort of deserved it.<p>

Also, I don't think some people realize how bad nature, and the people that love to spend lots of time in it, can smell. Can anyone imagine what Aviva must have smelled like after hibernating all winter, in a hole in the ground, burning off "energy" (fat) stored in her groundhog suit? What about Chris and Martin after they get back from the desert after sweating, carrying around a koala, and running from coyotes non-stop for two days? I'm sure everyone remembers the Skunk episode. They spent an awful lot of time around decaying carcasses and fetid food in 'Tazzy Chris', too.

Yeah. The Tortuga better have a good bathroom to wash all that wonderful nature off.

The DNA explanation on Day 6 is inspired by Terry Pratchett's 'The Science of Discworld'.


	3. Button, Button Who's got the button?

Guest: The pairings are [Aviva X Martin] and [Chris X Zach]. NO I have no idea who is in charge in either one - I chose to list them alphabetically. Both HET and Yaoi is inevitable, though the really good stuff will only be on AFF, not here.

redpenkiller: Thanks, I thought that was a cute bit. ^_^

* * *

><p><strong>Week 2 – Button, Button. Who's got the button?<strong>

"It usually takes two people a little while to learn where the funny buttons are and testy buttons are." Matt Lauer

* * *

><p>Day 8<p>

"Are you back _already_?" Zach asked, making a show of being blatantly disappointed. He had been lounging around the Tortuga all morning secure in the knowledge that not only did the Kratts Team owed him BIG TIME but there would also be nothing urgent to occupy his brilliant mind besides designing Varmitech Industries' next catalog. Of course, he turned out to be wrong by ten when the Bros came back from the hospital irritatingly soon. "One would think they would keep someone that's been poisoned by something that actually has the word 'Death' in its name at the hospital longer than one night."

"Venoms and poisons are completely different things, Zach," Martin corrected. "And the word 'death' used to be 'deaf' and just changed over time… presumably because it sounded cooler."

Zach raised a brow. "Why would anyone name a snake the 'Deaf Adder'? That makes it sound like a somewhat pitiable snake."

Martin shrugged. Chris made his way over to a chair with Martin's entirely unnecessary help and sat down, looking tired but composed. The moment Zach turned back to his laptop he mimed aiming at the back of the tech mogul's head with a slingshot and fired several times.

Koki brought Chris one of Jimmy's cookies and punched him gently on the shoulder. She then went to her station to look it up and raised a brow. "It's because most snakes flee from human activity, but since Death Adders are ambush predators their instinct is to stay put, leading to the very incorrect belief that it couldn't hear."

Zach scoffed, unaware of the number of imaginary pellets hitting him. "I don't normally deal with these things, so why would I need to know that?"

Koki sighed and brought Martin some coffee. It looked like he needed it. No doubt he had been up most of the night while Chris was still in the danger zone. "Hopefully you won't have to know this stuff, but it's a good idea anyway when you're working with us. Obviously the issue of knowing the hunting strategies and dangers of animals comes up from time to time." She gestured to the Kratts, who made very different but similarly hilarious faces at her in retaliation. "Make it a part of your to-do list to look up venoms at least. It's really not that complex and knowing your way around the First-Aid kits is never a bad idea."

Zach snorted. "It should have been stated in that contract that I'd have to shuttle miscellaneous fluids through nature to prevent Kratt expiration. I ordered more of that antivenin, by the way. Now you can't accuse me of not replacing it."

Both Chris and Martin gave him surprised looks. Koki stared. "You used it for a legitimate reason – you probably saved Chris's life – and you think we'd blame you for using it?" she asked.

"If I didn't replace it and you needed it again? Yes," he said simply. Jimmy offered Zach his plate of cookies as he passed by, but Zach waved him off. "Aviva takes care of Inventory, too, so it's my job anyway."

Jimmy put the cookies in the microwave and turned back to the Teleporter. "Now that we know we can send people through here, maybe we should ask Aviva to make a bigger version? It'd save a lot of time on grocery trips!"

"I do **not** advise doing that," Zach drawled. "The fact that I survived does not mean it will happen again, or that the Teleporter is a toy." He looked scornfully at Jimmy's controller. "Even if you use that controller instead of the console like any normal person would."

"I'm a normal person!" Jimmy defended.

Zach crossed his arms. "Besides the fact that you're able to sleep in the strangest places I've ever seen and your sense of hearing seems to completely shut down while you do, I also think there might be a singularity in your stomach. The sheer amount of calories you consume a day with neither weight gain nor apparent illness suggests it just disappears. That's _not normal_."

Martin raised a brow. "Singularity?"

"Black Hole," Chris clarified.

"Oh," Jimmy shrugged. "I thought he was insulting me for a second."

Zach stared after him in amazement as Jimmy happily went back to the cockpit. He looked to Koki with concern and motioned after him urgently in a clear, 'what's wrong with him?' manner.

"We know," she said empathetically. "Just don't think about it too much. And I agree with you. No more people in the Teleporter."

"Thank you," Zach said blandly, and turned back to his laptop. He completely missed the interesting looks he got for saying 'thank you', as if the Kratts legitimately believed that phrase wasn't in his vocabulary. "It's good to know I'm finally being listened to considering I'm actually the inventor here for the time being. Now if only I could get you guys to stop following me like I'm a kleptomaniac this job might be more bearable."

As he worked he included two preliminary animal-themed machines he had concocted the previous night that didn't actually use any animals. It would have to do for a trial-run. Aviva would surely be browsing his online catalog, but the ones he sent to his regular customers on paper would give him a good idea of possible sales rates without alerting her to his doing it.

He would have to skip it in Donita's copy, though. She was laughing at him enough already.

Chris's eyes narrowed in clear offense once the last statement finally registered. "After all the things you've stolen from us you actually have the _nerve_ to suggest you won't steal anything while you're working here?"

"That's right, Wild Rats. If I break the contract I won't get paid – and seeing the looks on your faces when you have to write out all those zeroes on my check will be worth more than anything I could steal from you," Zach said in a terrifyingly cheerful manner.

Martin's eyes widened. "How many zeroes exactly?"

"I offered a formal review of the contract, remember?" Zach sing-songed while ticking his finger at them chidingly. "But your rainbow-bug-thingies were _so important _you didn't want to wait. And the best part is I didn't even have to change anything! When this is over with you'll owe me **_easily three times_** what you currently pay Aviva! Maybe **_four_**, considering there are 'reasonable work hour' clauses and you've had me working all night repairing things, and I bet it'll happen again. Aviva doesn't claim that time, does she? I will."

Martin face-palmed so hard it echoed through the Tortuga and Chris mimed strangling Zach with a furious scowl.

Undaunted, he continued. "Do you have any earthly idea what Inventors capable of making teleporters, invisibility fabric, DNA-altering-power-suits, mind-control devices, robotic labor forces, and time machines are actually worth!? Most COUNTRIES wouldn't be able to afford either of us if we charged what we really deserve. The difference here is that I have to accept abysmally small rates to make anything affordable enough to be competitive and pull profit, and Aviva loves all the varmints you guys research so much she _deliberately low-balled her salary_ just so you guys could afford her. She's not even collecting what her own contract warrants."

"_Dang_. I need to review my contract," Jimmy mumbled.

"Jimmy Z! Not you too," Martin whined.

Jimmy laughed. "I was kidding!"

Chris and Martin let out relieved sighs.

"…mostly."

Zach got in one last shot before he pushed the button to send out his catalog. "Not that I'm hoping for it or anything, but you had better keep me safe too. Compensation for work-related injuries is included, due immediately. That ought to make you think twice before you decide to play **Zach-ball**," he teased maliciously.

"Anything else you want to torture us with?" Koki demanded hotly.

Zach grinned. "Yes. With her talents Aviva would make a MARVELOUS Super-Villain. Try not to really tick her off." He paused. "Actually: please do. I'm interested in witnessing the fallout. …from a distance."

Martin scowled. "Is there a reason you're being so unpleasant today?"

"I'm in a good mood," he shrugged. "This is me enjoying myself."

"Then try enjoying yourself in a way that _doesn't _make me curious how much hurting you will actually cost," Chris seethed. "I'm beginning to think it might be worth it."

Zach raised a mocking brow, but the familiar nervousness was definitely present in his posture as he went back to his work in silence. Still, it was clear he had won that round.

Koki brought Chris a magazine and sat down at her station. "I guess missions are on hold for a few days until Chris is completely recovered?"

The Kratt brothers agreed.

* * *

><p>Day 9<p>

It was quiet at Tortuga HQ aside from the ticking of Zach Varmitech's typing as he worked. Few lights were on and a good amount of nighttime light came through the sunroof due to the big moon which was close to full, though Zach hardly paid attention to the sky anyway; if he did he would have noticed the big square dark patch on the sun roof. He was alone and doing his work without interruption or company; the Kratts seemed to have taken his word for it when he said he wanted their money more than their stuff and Zach wasn't sure if he should be relieved or annoyed about that.

The Kratts had spent all day flying to what they called 'a prime location' for whatever they were preparing for later that night despite having clearly said they were giving Chris time to get better before doing anything creaturely. Most of the team had spent a good deal of the day alternately napping and getting things ready for what he assumed was a nighttime picnic, which conveniently gave Chris plenty of time to rest and recover from the lingering after-effects of his snake bite. Zach had no idea why they would even want to have a picnic this late, but the Wild Kratts never made much sense to him regardless and he had not been concerned enough to ask.

It was about mid-august and Zach very much lamented that it was so hot since he never wore anything but black. He had relented and taken off his signature turtleneck but still had a long-sleeved black shirt on, if only a normal cotton one. It wasn't as if he had to dress particularly classy to work with these outdoorsy people. It had been a languid, slow day, for which Zach was thankful after the hectic week before.

Around noon Jimmy had suggested Zach take a nap. Why that had been presented at all was a mystery to him but Zach wasn't about to argue it. They hadn't even woken him until three for an early dinner, which he also didn't question because he was still too drowsy to care. Currently he was pleasantly relaxed and winding down from the day without actually being tired. There was only so late he was willing to work, though, and 11 pm was plenty.

Zach shut Aviva's station down, closed his laptop, stood and stretched. He reached out and flipped the light switch off, as the last person to leave was obligated to do, and the room went black. For a moment Zach waited for his eyes to adjust before moving – the switch was near the entry to the passage downstairs, which was a logical placement unless you didn't plan to sleep in the actual Tortuga and had to go across the room to the exit.

Martin, who had been outside for a while already and had eyes pre-adjusted to the dark, appeared out of the shadows like freaking Dracula and scooped Zach up over his shoulder.

After the initial startled shriek Zach gave up and went limp once he realized who it was. "Martin! What are you doing?" he asked blankly, too fed-up to really struggle.

"Kidnapping you," Martin answered calmly.

"Why? Where are you taking me?"

"To the roof of the Tortuga."

Zach groaned. "Did you break a window or something?"

Martin laughed. "No, we're having a star-gazing picnic."

"I don't want to go to your stupid picnic!" Zach whined, pulling Martin's hair to no effect.

"Hence the kidnapping," Martin smiled, and made his way to the uppermost level and to the largest window, which functioned as a hatchway to climb up on the roof when the deck wasn't extended.

Chris and Jimmy reached out and helped Zach climb up, which he allowed since he obviously wasn't being given a choice. Now the nap made a lot more sense. Martin came up next and shut the screen behind him to keep the most annoying insects out.

Zach sighed and sat down on the blanket they had placed, which had a gripping surface on the bottom to keep it steady on the glass and made Zach less nervous about being up there. He knew the glass was plenty strong to hold them with no problem, it was just seeing the floor so far below him that made him anxious.

Everyone else was wearing shorts and short sleeves due to the weather; even the Kratt brothers had their trademark color-coded jackets tied around their waists instead of wearing them. Zach pulled at his collar uncomfortably. He might have been able to handle the ninety degree temperatures if it wasn't so humid too. He felt like he was trying to breathe steam.

After spending his trip up here in near complete darkness because his eyes hadn't adjusted the big, bright moon was an unusual but welcome sight to him. There were no cities around and he could only see the faintest glimmer of a small town in the far horizon. Aside from the sounds of the insects and occasional animal call it was also very quiet. Apparently the Kratts didn't believe in music at their parties.

"What are we doing this for?" Zach asked petulantly. "You just had to pick the ickiest night in August to spend time outside?"

"We didn't pick the weather, Zach, or the date," Koki said sensibly. "And it sort of sucks because the moon is so bright. We've just got to make due or we'll miss it."

Zach raised a brow. "Miss what?"

Chris smiled and held out a plate Jimmy had brought up with chocolate cupcakes covered in star-shaped sprinkles. "The perseid meteor shower. Tonight is the peak. We've seen a bunch already, but Koki insisted we didn't interrupt you while you were working."

Zach took one of the cupcakes and looked up and stared for only a few irritated seconds. "I don't see anything."

Jimmy tapped his shoulder and pointed halfway up the sky. "Look there. Give your eyes a while to adjust and the meteors will start to show up. The moon makes it hard to see the fainter ones, but we're far enough away from the city that the brighter lights are still visible."

"Just be _patient,_" Koki said serenely. She stretched and lay back on the blanket, staring out where Jimmy had pointed. "They happen pretty randomly, but you can generally see one or two every few minutes."

Zach sighed and took a bite. He almost winced at how sweet it was – Jimmy had apparently done the frosting homemade instead of buying the less intense pre-mixed containers from a store and the powdered sugar made his teeth hurt for a moment before he got used to it. Resigned to a boring evening, Zach reached into his pocket and pushed a button to summon a Zachbot. It arrived quickly and both of its arms retreated inside its body only for a different set with fans attached to appear instead.

Rather than complaining about the slight whirring noise Jimmy and Koki moved closer to Zach, much to his annoyance, to share his artificial breeze.

"This is boring," he said less than thirty seconds later.

Koki elbowed him in the side lightly. "Shush. Just wait. Haven't you ever seen a meteor shower before?"

"No," he answered shortly, taking another bite.

Matin chuckled. "I figured it'd be a good idea to bring you, since I was talking to Aviva about it earlier. She's sad to miss it, but she did tell me you missed the one you were supposed to see at camp because you were sick that week."

"Yes," Zach drawled. "Sick of nature. I was hiding in the computer lab-"

Just then two bright streaks of light flew across the sky and Zach stopped like someone had hit his off switch. The Zachbot's head moved to exactly the same direction and its eyes blinked out for a moment before going very still. Though the fans continued going, the Zachbot never removed its gaze from where its master stared.

The others had been there a while and ran out of snacks, so they left Zach and Jimmy there while they went to get more. They paused at the hatchway to smile at Zach, who hadn't budged. He was completely transfixed, waiting patiently for the next fleeting light.

"Do you see that?" Koki asked fondly. "It's like he's never seen the sky before."

Martin smiled. "Yeah. I guess he can be interested in nature, but given his personality we really should have guessed that his specific area of interest would have nothing to do with animals or the environment."

"What is that Zachbot doing?" Chris pointed out the bot behind Zach.

"It's probably recording the show," Koki said calmly.

"I was just wondering if it was… paying attention," Chris said slowly, "Because I didn't see Zach give it a command. We've smashed a lot of those things and I'd feel bad if they were… you know… alive somehow."

Martin yawned. "It's probably programmed to react to Zach's body language or something. When he jumps like a startled cat they catch him without a command, don't they? I bet its recording the meteor shower because Zach is paying so much attention to it. He said they're designed to analyze and record their surroundings."

Chris looked at the ground for a while. "I never really thought about it, but what if the Zachbots aren't capable of very much critical thinking because Zach deliberately makes them that way?"

Martin looked over in confusion. "Huh?"

"Oh, I see what you're saying," Koki said. "You mean that he doesn't want them able to think for themselves, because then they'd be able to do things independently of him, like people do, and make their own decisions"

Martin looked back up at the sky and frowned. "That sounds dangerous," he said after a while.

Koki looked back at Zach and saw his green eyes widen in wonder as another streak of celestial light graced the shimmering sky. "I haven't known Zach as long as you guys or Aviva, but I've got to admit that none of you seem to give him enough credit. Yeah, he's scrawny and whiny and has a startle reflex on par with the average bunny and all that stuff, but he's also very intelligent. Despite being the equivalent of red shirts on the Enterprise there may be a very good reason those Zachbots don't seem very effective in fights, and it's not because his design is wrong. It's probably the best evidence that his design is exactly right. I mean… have you ever seen those things do something creative without Zach shouting the order? If those things were able to take down the Wild Kratts very easily and make their own decisions then what chance would Zach have if they went AWOL?"

Chris grabbed another cupcake, licking the frosting off his fingers thoughtfully. "Zach is very likely a lot smarter than we thought if he's deliberately programming inept, disposable minions as a safety feature. I gotta admit having a large number of dumb but loyal minions is a better idea than having a few, smart ones."

Martin sighed worriedly. "And that sounds dangerous too."

Zach heard none of this. He was watching the lights and paying no attention to the Wild Kratts.

…this turned out to be a mistake. Things changed as midnight passed and the sugar from Jimmy's confections hit their brains.

* * *

><p>Day 10<p>

Martin and Chris decided to be squirrels just after midnight, which only made their already childish mindset infinitely worse. They spent most of the impending morning playing in the trees and alternately watching the lights, but the previous option became far more appealing the lighter the sky became. As a result of their playful scuffling in the branches they fell out of a tree, landed on a Buzz Bike, accidentally triggered the controls, and went speeding off into another tree.

Thankfully neither brother was hurt.

Unfortunately the tree they hit was and it fell onto the other three Buzz Bikes with positively karmic precision, smashing the front of each one because they had been parked in a straight line.

After the initial hissy-fit and subsequent squirrel hunt Zach and Koki could only resign themselves to spending the entire day putting the bikes back together while the guilty Kratt brothers sheepishly hid in the canopy. They worked quietly for the most part, as usual, and only communicated when they needed assistance or tools that the other person had.

Jimmy assisted by bringing them breakfast and a steady supply of caffeine. Around eleven he brought the two another round of coffee while they started working on the second bike. Koki's was the first one they fixed and it was parked in now perfect condition next to the Tortuga, waiting for its siblings. Zach chose Chris's bike next and called a Zachbot to tear off the mangled plating and expose the bits inside.

Jimmy sat down and bit into a sandwich, looking up into the trees. "Do you think they'll ever come down?" he asked after swallowing.

"Not until Zach puts the tranquilizer gun back," Koki said with a smirk. "Chris won't, at least."

Zach, who had the gun strapped to his leg and was now known to be a surprisingly good shot when he wanted to be, snorted and tossed an unsalvageable bit of casing behind him. "Not happening. I'll pay to replace it, but I am keeping this thing. Once I get back home it's going in my trophy case."

"Is it loaded?" Jimmy inquired nervously.

"Not with darts," Zach smirked.

Koki grinned. "He tweaked it to fire paint balls."

Jimmy snickered. "Where did you get paint balls?"

"Martin's compartment," Zach said simply.

"HEY! THOSE ARE MINE!" Martin yelled from the tree line, his voice small and distant.

Chris's voice chimed in just after. "YEAH! THAT'S STEALING!"

"I PLAN TO _GIVE THEM BACK_, WILD RATS!" Zach turned and fired four times into the trees where he had heard the voices. A couple short yells indicated that Zach had missed since they had wisely scarpered after speaking, but the slight shuffle of leaves indicated both squirrels had retreated deeper into the woods.

The three listened to the silence for a moment before Koki shrugged and went back to work. "We'll call that borrowing if you replace them."

"Hey. Why are you being so nice to me?" Zach asked suspiciously.

She sighed and pried out an engine component with a wrench because it had been smashed beyond the ability to remove it normally, then threw it in the direction of Zach's discard pile. "Because you've actually been very helpful, Zach. I sort of expected you to go all Dr. Robotnik on us long before now and you haven't. Even if you're just behaving to legally sucker-punch the Bro's bank account you've still surprised me."

Zach lifted a brow at her. "Dr. Robotnik?"

She smiled, giving Jimmy a wry look. "Nevermind. You know, it's also nice to have help repairing all this stuff that doesn't continually babble on about her next invention or chant 'drill… drill…' as if saying that will make it magically appear. I mean, Aviva's my friend and I adore her but the constant prattle while I'm trying to concentrate gets old _real fast_."

This took Zach completely off-guard and he laughed. For once he was neither giggling maliciously nor cackling madly; it was an honest laugh. Before he could stop himself he was suddenly having a companionable conversation with a Wild Kratt.

"I know!" he said pleasantly. "She used to do that to me, too! It drove me _crazy_! It's like she's narrating her life to some alien mother ship so they can make a documentary on the Scavenging Habits of the Earthbound Human." He reached toward the toolbox and began to mimic Aviva expertly; muttering, picking up needed things, and instantly losing track of them as he found too many things to hold at once. "_'OK – I need a ratchet… now where are the bolts? I should order more washers; these are almost out. Bolts, bolts, bol- no, those are the wrong size. Oh, here they are! Now I need a three quarter socket. What happened to the-? I just had it! Ratchet… ratchet…'_ **Who is she talking to!?**"

Jimmy fell back onto the grass and spat bits of his sandwich out as he howled with laughter. Back on the ground Koki covered her mouth and tears welled up as she shook with silent mirth. She was trying not to laugh, really, but it was unavoidable. Zach joined in helplessly. The light, happy sounds issuing from him were so at odds with how he normally behaved that Martin and Chris leapt back to investigate and gaped from the branches, sharing a look of confusion.

"Do the Buzz Bikes use Nitrous Oxide for anything?" Chris asked.

"I don't… think so," Martin replied. "I wonder what happened."

Chris shrugged as well as he could while gripping bark with his claws. "Whatever. Let's go find a hiding place before Zach remembers he's mad at us."

Once Koki recovered, which took a good while, she wiped her eyes then wagged a finger at him accusingly. "That was mean," she informed him, but appreciatively.

Just as quickly as it had come the friendly moment was gone. Zach startled back to the reality of working with his rivals. "So?" he challenged awkwardly. "It's not _my fault_ if Aviva's weird."

Koki 'humph'ed and crossed her arms. "Obviously you did, but when did you work with her anyway?"

Jimmy rolled his eyes. It looked like they were about to start fighting again and he was very, very tired of listening to it. He went back to the Tortuga to see about lunch. Maybe they'd be less cranky after they ate. There wasn't much else for him to do with the Zachbots cleaning everything due to their germaphobic creator and no reason to pilot.

Zach picked up the ratchet and started working again. "If you must know, we kept getting paired for group projects at science camp because none of the other kids could keep up with us. Believe it or not I was the inspiration for her animal-themed designs," he said proudly, puffing out his chest as best he could, which wasn't much. "It was a compromise; I didn't use any actual animals when I worked with her, since it made her screechy, and in return we worked on things that would mimic the skill I wanted from the animal to begin with. Before working with me Aviva only made normal, straight-laced, boring stuff like engines, hover-cars, and little molecular models made of colored beads. To be honest her best subject was Chemistry."

"Yeah," Koki said thoughtfully. "She's made a neutralizer for toxic waste, Gila monster antivenin, and spider silk. I never really thought about it, but those are blatant chemistry skills and very much NOT mechanical. It doesn't make sense for an inventor known for her machines to be so versed in chemicals and how they interact without studying that separately."

"See? If it weren't for me you Wild Ratts might not have your precious Creature Power Suits at all," Zach bragged. "I got her all interested in the animal powers I wanted for my inventions, and since she hated using the actual animals she invented something to turn willing guinea pigs into those animals so she could study _them _instead."

"I bet that compromise didn't last long, huh?" Koki asked in challenge, neatly avoiding commenting that Zach might be right. "How long did your friendship last before you messed it up?"

"I didn't mess it up, she did by overreacting!" he snapped icily. "I wasn't even working with her on that invention so I wasn't breaking the compromise because Aviva _wasn't involved_. She didn't have to get mad about it! How is it in any way my fault she didn't understand the boundaries of our deal?"

"Maybe she thought you understood that hurting the animals _at all_ was what upset her, not whether or not she actually _saw_ you doing it," Koki suggested blithely. Zach didn't answer and just kept working, clearly trying to ignore her now. She sighed and calmed her ire after seeing his stricken expression. He must have had no idea it was there or he wouldn't have let her see it. "You know," she said gently, "you've got a good chance to fix that, uh… _misunderstanding_ now. You did agree to help us when you really didn't have to. There's always a chance you could make friends again."

"I didn't say I wanted to," Zach snapped.

Koki just smiled. "You didn't say you didn't want to either."

Zack turned his back on her with cold finality. "Just do your job, Wild Rat, and I'll do mine."

They went back to working in silence after that, on different bikes to avoid further conversation. Koki knew better than to push her luck and Zach was trying very hard to ignore he'd had the entire conversation. Laughing like THAT didn't suit him, if only because it happened so rarely.

Martin and Chris didn't leave the woods until Zach had gone to bed and Jimmy had helpfully retrieved the tranquilizer/paintball gun and his it in the cargo hold next to the giant blue spider.

* * *

><p>Day 11<p>

Zach tapped Koki on the shoulder, not wanting to shout over her headphones since he could hear the beats several steps away from her. She pulled one side back off her ear, sending angry opera tumbling out into the air behind her, and gave him a questioning look.

"Do you know where Aviva keeps the backup files?" he asked. "I can't find them."

Koki's eyes widened and she looked back at Martin, who had heard Zach and balked. "Um… I know the financial things and inventory is backed up. I'm not sure about anything else."

Zach rolled his eyes. "I saw those already, I meant the backup files for her _Inventions_; scans of the plans, material alternatives and densities, electrical layouts and instruction manuals… that stuff. Where is it?"

Koki hesitated. "Um…"

"She still hasn't made those yet!?" Martin demanded, rubbing his neck with a pained look.

Zach looked between them, to the now immaculately organized piles of rolled-up plans that had been _just everywhere_ before a Zachbot stacked them properly, then to Aviva's station. As he did this his expression became increasingly frantic. "Do NOT tell me she's still as disorganized as she was at twelve," he almost pleaded. "Everyone keeps backup files. What if something happens to the paper copies or the Inventions get destroyed?"

"You spend the rest of your life as a very depressed Giraffe," Martin drawled.

Zach hadn't registered that statement because he was in too much shock. He ran an Industry, for pity's sake, even if most of the actual work took place well below him and was done by those he had delegated the tasks to. But he made sure those tasks were DONE, he CHECKED, he ORGANIZED, and this level of sheer bull-headed negligence made his Inner Boss howl incoherent rage to the sky. For an instant it honestly looked like Zach was about to cry. Then he growled and snatched the plans as if they were actively trying to escape.

"It may not be in the contract, but this is **_stupid_**," he spat. "I'm scanning these and _everything else I can find_ into a backup database."

Martin rushed over and hugged him. "Thank you!"

"Eaugh!" Zach flailed and got loose, shuddering after Martin backed off. "Don't do that again, Blue Boy." He then stalked over to a panel in the wall that slid open easily. Apparently nobody else knew that panel was there, but printer/scanners that handled blueprints were big things and couldn't exactly be left out in the open without impeding walking paths, which was where Aviva apparently preferred to leave her actual plans instead. "I _thought_ those computer files transferred too quickly when those little stinkers chased you guys out. Obviously it's because only about one quarter of what _should_ be in the computer actually _is_."

Koki hummed in thought. "Should we be letting him mess with Aviva's files like that?"

Martin pointed a finger at her ominously. "You hush. This is a GREAT idea."

Chris rubbed the back of his neck sympathetically, clearly on Martin's side, but was dubious. "I don't know. She might get mad."

"Martin can handle that. We'll call this his idea," Zach said dismissively. "Aviva won't stay too mad at him for long anyway."

Chris lifted a brow. "I don't know. Martin and I may outrank her, but these are her inventions. It seems like an invasion of her privacy."

And it suddenly hit Zach that Chris had **no idea** Martin was invading Aviva's privacy, if not Aviva, quite frequently. He turned to look at the younger Kratt in surprise on reflex only to see Martin, who was luckily standing behind the others, making rather frantic motions to discourage any further comment on the matter. It legitimately surprised Zach that Chris didn't know. He could understand not telling Koki and Jimmy, but _Chris_? He thought the Kratt brothers shared everything.

Surprising even himself, Zach chose to keep the secret (if only for good dirt on Martin and Aviva for later) and drew all ire in the conversation toward himself as a distraction.

He snorted derisively and started scanning anyway, turning his back on them. "Obviously none of you would survive for more than five minutes running an _actual business_ instead of driving a giant turtle around nature to play with fuzzy balls of teeth and mindless instinct. Is that why you work so far away from the city?"

Koki and Chris immediately went on the offensive and entirely missed Martin's look of surprise.

"Oh, that's gotta be the most offensive thing-" Chris seethed.

"No, it would be more offensive to compare your precious critters to humans," Zach said smugly. "Camouflage? LYING. Scavenging? STEALING. Don't even get me started on pack behavior. If I ran my business like a Wolf Pack I'd get flayed alive on the international news." He mimed to a Zachbot, which followed his commands immediately. "Okay, Mr. Secretary. I need to reinforce my place as Alpha. Now SIT. Roll over. _Good boy!_"

Martin face palmed and groaned. Chris backed away from Koki as if he expected her to spontaneously burst into flames and ducked behind Martin.

Koki almost seemed to. For a very long moment she stood very still, then she just turned and walked out of the Tortuga. On her way out she grabbed an aluminum bat that was leaning against her station and sent a Zachbot head flying in sans torso just after she was out of sight.

"Hey!" Zach complained, but didn't pursue the matter further.

Martin and Chris waited for the sound of more brutalized automatons and only relaxed a little when none came.

Chris glared. "Okay, that was **way** out of line. Though I guess it was only a matter of time before you managed to completely infuriate one of us."

Martin shook his head and punched Zach's shoulder hard enough to make him drop what he was holding. "Animals don't lie, Zach."

Zach turned and rubbed his shoulder. "Batesian mimicry," he said flatly. "From your own files – 'a harmless species has evolved to imitate the warning signals of a harmful species directed at a common predator.' I got that when I looked up venoms like Koki told me to. The Mexican Milk Snake looks almost exactly like the Coral Snake in order to broadcast the false signal 'I am venomous'. That is _clearly_ lying. Animals might not be as good at it as humans are, but they still definitely do it."

Chris and Martin looked like they wanted to argue that, but Chris sighed and muttered, "She'll get you for that secretary comment later."

Zach lifted a brow. "Why? I didn't mean it as a girl thing. I even said 'Mr. Secretary' to avoid that!"

"Oohhh… he doesn't know!" Martin winced.

"Know what?" Zach demanded, throwing his hands up in the air.

"Uh…" Chris started hesitantly, "Koki keeps getting treated like our secretary whenever we do public events or presentations because she's not one of the three most prominent members of the team-"

"Being the Kratt Brothers and the Inventor," Martin clarified.

Chris continued. "Or someone with a really obvious job, like Pilot."

Zach rolled his eyes. "That makes no sense. She's the computer expert, communications specialist, mechanic…"

"Yeah, but people don't seem to get that. They keep giving her invoices for our spending when Aviva is the one who asked for them, calling her number and creature pod as if it were the main line for the whole Tortuga, begging her to get our autographs-" Chris listed.

"-and rarely ask for hers-" Martin added.

"-and sending fan messages to her e-mail addressed for _everyone else_. So you just pushed a BIG button."

Zach visibly deflated. "I'm in trouble, aren't I?"

_**"We shall bury him with honor,"**_ Jimmy said deeply and solemnly with a fist over his heart.

Chris smirked. "That was _awesome_. What game have you been playing?"

"_Shut up_," Zach snapped tiredly, rubbing his temples with both hands.


End file.
